New here. Need help with leaving

[Free Being Me]

Boyfriend here. Also, I've yet to tell friends and my family about her working there. They would be there for her, though.

Having a support network in place is a definite plus and I'm glad you and your family are there for her. $cientology in all probability will try to recover her with lies, head games, and threats while trying to appear "reasonable." Don't fall for that, it will all be a ploy.

Much respect for you being there!

 

[DeeAnna]

To the Original Poster: It is good that you have come to the realization that you want to get out of $cientology. Many, many others came to the same realization as you and they did, indeed, leave. When someone is getting headaches and feeling stressed all the time it is time to take a look at what is going on in your life. You have done that and you have identified what is causing the problems in your life. Again, that is good.

Another good thing is that you are living independently, away from the Church of Scientology. And that you have a non-scientologist supportive person in your life - your boyfriend - who is willing to help you. That will make it a lot easier for you.

Good luck to you in taking the next step.

--------------

To those who know the answer: What will likely happen if she just writes a note to her supervisor and says "I have to get a job now so I will not be coming in any more"?

 

[degraded being]

Deleted: My post was just an sort of inside joke to Enthetan and not really relevant to the thread topic.

 

[Enthetan]

This is what I meant by bitch with a capital B . Enthetan you were an SOB.

When dealing with Scientology execs, the only way to hold your ground is to be prepared to be as nasty as you need to be, and to have a reputation for becoming "unpleasant" when somebody gives you shit.

Never be polite. Never be shy about defending your space. They will roll over you if they sense weakness. I'm really serious about this.

From this point on, I suggest she prepares a "nuclear button": make a video recording on boyfriend's phone, wherein she declares on video :

My name is XXX. I am afraid that at some point the Scientology organization may attempt to hold me against my will, in order to use undue influence to subvert my will. I authorize my boyfriend, XXX, to call the police on my behalf if I do not leave the Scientology building when he expects me to.
​

If she is prevailed upon to go in for "handling" on "routing out", and she is not out on schedule, and has not called boyfriend to say "I'll just be a few minutes more", boyfriend can walk into reception, and tell them "Either she's out here in 5 minutes, or the police will be called". (Keep a backup copy of video on laptop or with a trusted friend.

Best, approach, though is to not let it get that bad. Just say bye. Don't go back.

I'm saying the above for the benefit of boyfriend, who may not believe how ugly it might get. Yes, it CAN get that ugly.

 

[Enthetan]

That was reason for my original suggestion I,m not sure the contract wouldn't be up before the route out was done. If she is lucky they might forget about her contract being up and she could just leave .

I've seen people being given a hard time EVEN AFTER contract was up, with demands that the person recruit their own replacement before leaving.

 

[Enthetan]

Or you can scream at the top of your voice:
"At LAST! I get to defend mysilf with Voi-a-lince!...my postulates are really working."

I would recommend not stabbing executives. It only gives momentary satisfaction, and is likely to get you talked about.

 

[cleared cannibal]

I've seen people being given a hard time EVEN AFTER contract was up, with demands that the person recruit their own replacement before leaving.

That's the time when you laugh in their face. Like I said I haven't been on staff Probably should have kept my mouth shut.

 

[Enthetan]

To those who know the answer: What will likely happen if she just writes a note to her supervisor and says "I have to get a job now so I will not be coming in any more"?

Answer: massive unpleasantness, threats of Declare, pressure put on parents to "get her head right" or parents will face trouble, etc, etc.

 

[degraded being]

Deleted: My post was just an sort of inside joke to Enthetan and not really relevant to the thread topic.

 

[cleared cannibal]

I would recommend not stabbing executives. It only gives momentary satisfaction, and is likely to get you talked about.

Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.

 

[Gib]

When dealing with Scientology execs, the only way to hold your ground is to be prepared to be as nasty as you need to be, and to have a reputation for becoming "unpleasant" when somebody gives you shit.

Never be polite. Never be shy about defending your space. They will roll over you if they sense weakness. I'm really serious about this.

From this point on, I suggest she prepares a "nuclear button": make a video recording on boyfriend's phone, wherein she declares on video :

My name is XXX. I am afraid that at some point the Scientology organization may attempt to hold me against my will, in order to use undue influence to subvert my will. I authorize my boyfriend, XXX, to call the police on my behalf if I do not leave the Scientology building when he expects me to.
​

If she is prevailed upon to go in for "handling" on "routing out", and she is not out on schedule, and has not called boyfriend to say "I'll just be a few minutes more", boyfriend can walk into reception, and tell them "Either she's out here in 5 minutes, or the police will be called". (Keep a backup copy of video on laptop or with a trusted friend.

Best, approach, though is to not let it get that bad. Just say bye. Don't go back.

I'm saying the above for the benefit of boyfriend, who may not believe how ugly it might get. Yes, it CAN get that ugly.

what you write is my experience.

Hubbard said something like "you only have a person's willingness" or something like that.

Well, when I was routing off staff, and they tried to keep me in the hamster wheel,

I held my ground, my willing to contribute to the cause of clearing the planet reached it's peak.

I WAS NO LONGER WILLING.

fuk um.

It was totally insane being on staff.

It's totally insane being in scientology.

 

[Lone Star]

....or she could utilize a method that worked in getting Tom Booth quickly dismissed from Harlem Org staff with no routing form or freeloader's debt:

Have Paul (Dulloldfart) call the org and ask for her, telling them who he is.

It's surefire!!

 

[xkcd]

Thank you for saying all of this. I appreciate the support. I didn't know there were others that had gone through the same thing I am.

 

[Purple Rain]

My two cents.... How an org reacts depends on the personnel there. While it often could be like Enthetan detailed, we had many staff wander off to moonlight and pretty much come and go without being declared... because we needed them more than they needed us and we were always afraid to lose them. But we were all kind of starving, so if somebody really needed to moonlight with a "wog job" they were allowed to after being made to feel like crap about it and maybe having to sleep on a park bench or two.

To leave when you're being supported by your father would probably not have been looked at well. But once again, in my day, people could and did route out without being declared, but we used to sec check and ethics interview the living crap out of them to try and get them to change their minds. If they were 100% set and determined to leave, however, we would hit them up for their freeloader payments, because we were always on the verge of being evicted from the org premises, and then cut our losses and consider them future students and pcs - so basically income sources. If they were too high on the Bridge for our class of services, we'd try to tag team with a higher org to FSM them up for those services and collect on the commission as an org.

But that was over twenty years ago. These days you seem to get declared at the drop of a hat.

If you don't want to lose the relationship with your father you will have to route out. Then you could slip under the radar as so many do. If you are okay with being estranged from your father until he sees the light, then to my mind it is infinitely preferable to just leave Scientology.

Collect any dox you can that it is legal to collect - Blanky has a good post on this somewhere - then make a new life for yourself.

Nobody else can make that decision for you. You might have to live with it for the rest of your life. There is no hurry, so take your time to really consider it.

One thing is clear. You should not be on staff. They are using you as a sweatshop uses their labour. They are untrustworthy and unethical people because you can't be a part of that system without compromising your own values of decency and right and wrong.

The question is not whether you should leave obviously - you are miserable - but how.

The best of luck to you. You are indeed fortunate to have a supportive boyfriend who loves you so much. I am sure everything will work out for you now.

 

[apple]

I've seen people being given a hard time EVEN AFTER contract was up, with demands that the person recruit their own replacement before leaving.

This is true. What will happen before your contract is up they may be very nice to you and if you do not agree with them they will get nasty and demand that you replace yourself with someone as capable as yourself. Good luck on that, it will not happen. If you did manage to get someone to replace you they may steal that person from you and put them on a different post. So it is a lose lose situation for you. Just leave. If you are thinking of using them as a job reference I think it would be worthless and maybe even a handicap. It sounds like you work at a class 5 org.

 

[degraded being]

I've seen people being given a hard time EVEN AFTER contract was up, with demands that the person recruit their own replacement before leaving.

That happened to me. It was standard procedure in the org I was in.

 

[Purple Rain]

That happened to me. It was standard procedure in the org I was in.

Yes, same.

 

[Anonycat]

Boyfriend here. I'm weary about that idea. They lie to her so much that I don't think they'd let her off that easily even when the contract is up.

Agreed, here. Go have your life. The deal with the cult is over and done. She owes them nothing.

 

[DoneDeal]

I've seen people being given a hard time EVEN AFTER contract was up, with demands that the person recruit their own replacement before leaving.

Yes. There is policy on replacing oneself. It's been along time since I've read it, I'm sure it's vague in some way. But it was used on me when I was between contracts.

To the op, imagine the difficulty of talking another human being into "taking over" what you are doing? If you have a heart it's impossible.

There isn't anyway to leave the cos cleanly. And as all said above, "So What". Any pain will be temporary. There is a life to build, yours. Not the Invisible man sitting in Ron's Office. He's dead. Kool's killed him.

I sincerely wish you guy's the best.

 

[lotus]

Thank you for saying all of this. I appreciate the support. I didn't know there were others that had gone through the same thing I am.

Hi there,

Welcome!
People are happy when they can help!

Yes, thousands and thousands have gone though this over decades.

You might go through a difficult moment for a time, but know that it will be only for a time. You might experience a feeling of loosing , and feeling a bit desoriented, but it will be temporary. Your boyfriend, not being in this cult, will help you in keeping grounded and give you the space and time you need to decompress - feel sad - and then move on.

No matter what will happen with your family, it may be also temporary, especially if you succed to only make yourself clear about your freedom to decide for your beliefs and your life - so they respect your choice and you respect their. Sometimes, it may work - sometimes not, sometimes it creates a split, sometimes there is reconnection later on!

Keep going on, you will soon feel a release, and I wish you can manage to keep family connections.
You are in a positive environment to handle the cult control in your life and keep it away!

Good luck!