HelluvaHoax!
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What's a cult droid to do when OSA orders her to "make it go right" to retrieve the briefcase or lose her eternity?. . .
I ran across this interesting tidbit today on my computer and thought
it fit under the rubric of Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology.
It's an excerpt from the full Denver Police Department report about
William "Rex" Fowler murdering his co-worker with a Glock, followed
by his attempted suicide with the same Glock. The day after the
murder, Rex was being held in the hospital and undergoing treatment
for his gunshot wound. Detectives approached his wife, Janet, and she
immediately demanded the return of Rex's briefcase, which apparently
held Rex's Solo Nots worksheets and correction lists. The excerpt speaks
for itself. (Although @HelluvaHoax! may have something to say about it.)
Even the detectives noticed the effective attempt at a Tone 40 command
and memorialized it in the report.
OSA probably had her do a clay demo of "INTENTION IS CAUSE". She passed it and "felt good about" handling the DB homo sap wog detectives. It was an especially epic win when when she cognited that--if she used "intention without reservation" (tone 40) no MEST being could resist it, on this planet.
So then. . .
JANET THE OT
Excuse me detective, but i demand you return the briefcase!!!
DETECTIVE
You mean the evidence we collected?
JANET THE OT
I will repeat the auditing command. RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!
DETECTIVE
No.
JANET THE OT
Why not?
DETECTIVE
I already told you. It's evidence.
JANET THE OT
I'll repeat the auditing command--
I AM ORDERING YOU TO RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!!!
DETECTIVE
LOL. Sorry, this is a murder investigation and there might
be evidence in that briefcase.
JANET THE OT
Trust me, there is no evidence in it about a murder.
DETECTIVE
Oh really? Then what's in the briefcase?
JANET THE OT
Something that can kill a person.
DETECTIVE
Jeez, that sounds like exactly what we are looking for
since this is a murder case where a person was killed.
JANET THE OT
It's can kill a person, but it's not like a gun or a knife or
a weapon or some junk.
DETECTIVE
Then how can it kill a person?
JANET THE OT
It's just some information about something that happened
75 million years ago. If you read it you'll die.
DETECTIVE
Are you currently taking any medication or under the
care of a mental health care professional?
JANET THE OT
I am a Scientologist. We don't believe in mental health care
or medication.
DETECTIVE
Really? Why is that?
JANET THE OT
Because if we have mental problems we just look around
for an invisible alien that's been dead for 75 million years.
And when we find that invisible alien we ask them
"WHO ARE YOU?"
DETECTIVE
And that cures your mental illness.
JANET THE OT
Oh yes, it sure does. When we ask them that
question they immediately take off and head
into deep space and leave us alone.
DETECTIVE
Did your husband Rex have any of these invisible
aliens bothering him?
JANET THE OT
Well he murdered a guy and tried to kill himself!
DETECTIVE
You're saying the invisible aliens made him do it?
JANET THE OT
Well, duhhhhhhhhh!
.
Excuse me detective, but i demand you return the briefcase!!!
DETECTIVE
You mean the evidence we collected?
JANET THE OT
I will repeat the auditing command. RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!
DETECTIVE
No.
JANET THE OT
Why not?
DETECTIVE
I already told you. It's evidence.
JANET THE OT
I'll repeat the auditing command--
I AM ORDERING YOU TO RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!!!
DETECTIVE
LOL. Sorry, this is a murder investigation and there might
be evidence in that briefcase.
JANET THE OT
Trust me, there is no evidence in it about a murder.
DETECTIVE
Oh really? Then what's in the briefcase?
JANET THE OT
Something that can kill a person.
DETECTIVE
Jeez, that sounds like exactly what we are looking for
since this is a murder case where a person was killed.
JANET THE OT
It's can kill a person, but it's not like a gun or a knife or
a weapon or some junk.
DETECTIVE
Then how can it kill a person?
JANET THE OT
It's just some information about something that happened
75 million years ago. If you read it you'll die.
DETECTIVE
Are you currently taking any medication or under the
care of a mental health care professional?
JANET THE OT
I am a Scientologist. We don't believe in mental health care
or medication.
DETECTIVE
Really? Why is that?
JANET THE OT
Because if we have mental problems we just look around
for an invisible alien that's been dead for 75 million years.
And when we find that invisible alien we ask them
"WHO ARE YOU?"
DETECTIVE
And that cures your mental illness.
JANET THE OT
Oh yes, it sure does. When we ask them that
question they immediately take off and head
into deep space and leave us alone.
DETECTIVE
Did your husband Rex have any of these invisible
aliens bothering him?
JANET THE OT
Well he murdered a guy and tried to kill himself!
DETECTIVE
You're saying the invisible aliens made him do it?
JANET THE OT
Well, duhhhhhhhhh!
.
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