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The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.

orphan

SYLLABICATION: or·phan
PRONUNCIATION: ôrfn
NOUN:
1a. A child whose parents are dead.

b. A child who has been deprived of parental care and has not been adopted.

2. A young animal without a mother.

3. One that lacks support, supervision, or care: A lack of corporate interest has made the subsidiary an orphan.

4. An orphan technology or product.

5a. A line of type beginning a new paragraph at the bottom of a column or page.

b. A short line of type at the bottom of a paragraph, column, or page; a widow.

ADJECTIVE:

1. Deprived of parents.

2. Intended for orphans: an orphan home.

3. Lacking support, supervision, or care.

4. Not developed or marketed, especially for being commercially unprofitable: “an aggregation of every orphan technology at the Pentagon, stuff that's been around for years that nobody would buy” (Harper's).

5. Affecting so few people that the development of treatment is neglected or abandoned for being unprofitable: an orphan disease.

TRANSITIVE VERB: Inflected forms: or·phaned, or·phan·ing, or·phans

To deprive (a child or young animal) of a parent or parents.

ETYMOLOGY: Middle English, from Late Latin orphanus, from Greek orphanos, orphaned. See orbh- in Appendix I.
OTHER FORMS: orphan·hood —NOUN
 
More reflections

I remembered me and my brother, at a young age, when he taught me about stealing. I am fortunate in the fact that after 91 RPF, I did not continue that activity, though I do not know if I just plain old grew up, or the made up past existence audited at the time was actually my track and as-ised. In any case, when I was young, I remember clearly my brother teaching me to steal.

As background, you must understand that because my brother was older than me, he always got the better of everything. That was a game I could never win. And so, when he showed me the parking stand in the lot next to PAC Base where they kept money in a drawer, he sent me over to take money out. Because I wanted everything to be even, I decided that I must take 2 of each thing, so that he could not try to get extra. And so I stood there, grabbing two 20 dollar bills, two 10's, etc. I was just counting out 2 pennies when I saw two feet that were certainly not my brothers. Hmmmm.. Not good, I think (though I had never stolen and didnt know what kind of trouble I was going to get into). Anyways, he took the money back and sent me on my way, without any other trouble, but suggested that I find somewhere else to steal from.

Later we learned to snatch from local grocery stores. I would stuff it under my shirt and get out. I finally got caught when I tried to stuff and entire humoungous bag of doritos under my shirt and they turned me in! My mom had to come pick me up. How embarrasing that was!!! She was so mad at me and my brother, cause we were playing hooky from school too.

I am sure everyone has their childhood moments of being bad. And maybe mine are no different from the next guy. I guess the thing that makes me wonder is that this church claims to have all the answers to getting the dynamic in order and all, meanwhile, the people preaching it can't keep their own dynamics in any sort of order. Maybe its not for lack of trying, but given the lack of time.... it leaves the benefit of the doubt.

I think considering myself an orphan is kinda cool.

Now, I don't think I have had the worse life by any means. I just think that the route I went could have easily been diverted by basic parent training. And the parent was there, but way to busy to be dealing with such menial things as CHILDREN.

Peace.
 
Hey Bea!

Stealing as a kid or even an adult is a solution to a problem.

It is only not agreeing with the "CAN'T HAVE" run on you.

I started stealing when I was about 13.

I became the artful dodger, and it was always for food. I was hungry.

At fourteen after I began my romance with heroin, I became a professional "booster".

I would put on a long line bra and girdle, go into very expensive department stores, go into the dressing room with ten outfits, take the priciest one off the hanger, pack it down inside the bra and gridle.

I had a "driver" and we would hit all the expensive shopping centers. I was boosting over 2000.00 worth of merchandise a day.

We would take it to a fence and split the profit.

I got arrested once and with a phoney I.D. managed to post bond!

Never showed up for court, of course.

Things were good in California but when I went back East I got busted in Manhattan.

After six weeks in juvinile hall in the South Bronx, I was rehabilitated.

No session, no nothing. Just being the only white person there with over a thousand girls from Harlem and having to kick someones ass every day in the cafeteria or anywhere else was enough to let me know criminality was not an option for my future.

Finally they made a battleplan and six of them jumped me, I have to admit that I figured out a way to come out on top of that one too. I threatened to sue the state of New York since they did it when a guard went off and left us alone to attend a poker game down the hall, and they paid for my private boarding school and took me out in a limosine and even presented me with a carton of Kool cigarettes, which I requested. After I called the newspaper.

After that, if I got undercharged for a cheeseburger in a restaurant I told the waitress.

Not that I didn't look for other safer angles to support myself and buy heroin, I did, but I made sure I would never see the inside of a prison again.

Even when I do my taxes now I keep every single receipt.

Nevertheless, the experience paid off.

When I was on lines at an upstat mission years later, O.K., like seven years later, some guy wrote in from Rikers Island Prison asking for information after having read the Dianetics book.

The E.D. called me in her office and told me she didn't want criminals on lines at the mission but she felt bad not answering the guy, and said I was the only person to handle him due to my "colorful background".

So I contacted him and yes, went out to Rikers Island prison by Manhattan to talk to him.

He turned out to be a guy names Hap Gary. One of the original black panthers who ran with Angela Davis and Huey Newton.

I grew up in the 60's in California so I pretty much gushed when I found out who he was.

I had also lived in Harlem 2 years when I first got into Scientology as I used all my money for auditing and had to find a cheap apartment. So I knew his stomping ground, and it turned out we even knew a few of the same drug dealers.

Hap was a HUGE being. He had put himself thru lawschool at the prison. He had helped many inmates with their legal hassles. And he had been auditing book one. He was doing a ten year stretch for a murder he did not commit.
He had been framed because he was mixed up with the black panthers.

I couldn't beleive all he had lived through and began to regard him as a God.

Of course, I went back to visit over and over, I took his worksheets into the mission for the C/S to look through, I should say his notes and questions from his PC's. And of course, I went before the parole board when it came his turn for parole and I already had everything lined up for him to come out.

I cried in front of the parole board.

He got paroled.

It was a big reg cycle, to free a man from prison.

I talked about myself and how I had been locked up, talked about Hap's stats in prison and his auditing people. Mentioned he was framed and might even have evidence at the current date.

I picked him up, I had arranged for him to stay with a friend that was a Jazz musician in the west villiage.

I thought he would go clear, write a book, audit inmates, become the celebrity I saw him to be.

I really adored him.

Two weeks later he was back in prison.

He went to Harlem and killed a man.

The man who let him rot in prison for ten years for a murder he committed and let Hap take the fall for.

I had an ARCX with him and went out of comm.

Two months later I got a package from him in the mail.

I opened it up and it was just a photo.

It was a little kitten, ...God only knows how he managed to smuggle a little kitten into prison...hanging over one of those mug shot frames where they stick in the letters with the person's prison number for a mug shot.

The kitten's paws were hanging on and it's little head was showing and the letters on the sign said "Super Kitten Loves (MY NAME)".

So, I forgave him.

But If I hadn't been in Juvenile Hall in the South Bronx, I probably wouldn't have know Hap.

So, it was all good.

And I find that is just the way things go if you wait to see where life is taking you and surrender your trust to the world.

The world really wants to SERVE people, and get's enturbulated in it's efforts.

One day you'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.
 
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By the way, Ron Hubbard stolde too.

It is in the court documents he had a conviction.

Someone else may have seen it.

He also stole his best friends girl, Sarah Northrop.

He also stole Sarah's child and took her to Havannah while he wrote Science of Survival, until Sarah would agree to keep her mouth shut about him.

Later he said the baby wasn't even his, it was Jack Parson's, His friend.

Everyone has stolen something, identity theft is trampant.

Look at Tom Cruise in an interview, he has stolen Hubbards words, ideas, and OSA'a causes.

Scientology is based on knowledge stolen from Crowley.
 
More reflections

Thanks Illusioness. Your stories are beyond fascinating. I would like to hear your full story some day, if you have not done it yet.

---------

I have been thinking about the time when I did my Solo Levels (OT I - III) and thought I could reflect more on those.

First thing was that I was having a very rough time in auditing, with constant migraine headaches (like 3 per week). These were incapacitating headaches. They went on like that for a couple of years. They did finally go away, but I couldn't say what made them go away. But they were going on all through the OT Levels that I did.

-----

OT I was fun, and simple. I did not run into anything on that level.

-----

In the middle of OT II Course, I became very ill. I was in the courseroom one day and I could hardly sit up. I remember one time I woke up the sup was giving me an assist. I think I passed out or something.

OT II was weird cause I was warned that while on it, the physical universe could seem to be moving around (like rolling walls and things). So then I was always looking for them, never found them.

Well, I audited away on that level for a while, and then attested.

-----

OT III was rough for me. When I read the materials, Allen Hubbert was there in the room with me, smiling away. What a sweet guy he is. Anyways, he wanted to be there when I read the materials. I think because I was saying things in session about those types of things before I ever read the materials. Who knows how. I thought it was causing my headaches, actually.

Well, anyways, one time I had to do a clay demo. I had a very hard time with clay demos on the OT Levels. I did the thing and the sup flunked it like 3 or 4 times. And I got really pissed off and took all the clay and smashed it against the wall. It was really bright colored clay and made a huge mess. Anyways, I spent the next day cleaning up everything and clearing MU's.

I finally got through the theory and started auditing. That was when I got the flu that knocked me off my ass. That was a really bad flu. They wanted me to Solo audit and fix myself but I couldnt. My temp was way too high and I could not read a meter. And so Allen gave me some auditing until I could get it done myself. And that worked out alright.

-----

I remember being a very reactive person during that period. I am sorry to those who were at the receiving end of that wrath. For some reason, I was a very angry person. I was very easily upset. I think stress of the post I had made it worse. I was made to feel like a useless person who did nothing all day, though I worked my ass off on my post. I hated every minute of that post, and was very happy to be off it.

I was thinking about it, and how it relates to now. I have made major improvements on reactiveness and rarely ever get as reactive and angry as I did back in those days. I think the stress back then was too much. Maybe that is where the headaches were coming from. I definitely stopped getting them after I got off that post.

-----------

Since being out, a tough thing for me is changing patterns of behaviour. Anybody else running into that? It's really odd for me to be raised like that out in the Sea Org, and know it as the only way to be and to find out people are NOT like that in the real world. That rude behaviour is very much not going to get you very far. But in the Sea Org it is accepted and is a "make it go right" attitude". Such a shame. I am still slowly but surely coming out of those patterns. I remember someone telling me it took them 6 years or so to stop thinking like a Sea Org member and start acting like a normal person. I can't wait until its all out of my system!!!:eyeroll:
 
Bea Kiddo said:
OT II was weird cause I was warned that while on it, the physical universe could seem to be moving around (like rolling walls and things). So then I was always looking for them, never found them.
Click to expand...

What you might call verbal tech. There is nothing in the theory materials about that.

Paul
 
I know what you mean, Bea.

I was an impatient, rolling eyes, make-wrong kind of manager. When I was in Scientology, this was a tactic that got you people who wanted to work harder for you.

But in the real world, it only got me people who wanted to quit, or get back at me. It became very unproductive!

And then I had a girlfriend who pointed out how arrogant I was. And I began to see how I had changed while in Scientology.

Fortunately, out in the real world in the last few years, I've had many role models to watch, and to see how effective they are, and to slowly adopt new ways for handling frustrating and difficult situations with other people, rather than ripping into them, making them wrong, and trying to dismiss whatever they say as "insane", or "bank" or "low-toned" or whatever was the standard make-wrong I learned as a Scientologist.

I look back on the "OTs" I knew in Scientology, and just because they run a small business or have money, they think they are OT. The smallest things in life can be proof to them and everyone around them that they are OT.

When, in the real world, I've met wogs who have never heard of Scientology or who know nothing about it, are WAY more OT than any Scientologist I ever met.

Only lack of experience with how the real world works can really keep a person in that mindset in Scientology, thinking that arrogant service facing on people is the only way "to get them to produce". It really is simply a lack of maturity, and a lack of self-discipline that runs rampant in Scientology, taking after L Ron Hubbard.

I can't believe I ever fell for that shit.

Oh well, at least I can look forward to a much happier, stable and more productive life as an Ex-Scientologist.
 
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And that "get-er-done NOW!!!!!!" attitude.... Really irks people. Whats the rush? When I try to answer that, I calm down. It still catches me though.

My bosses think I am "pro-active" because of it, but at the same time, they prefer a milder person, which I have changed alot of the past couple years, but it was INGRAINED in me, so its taking a while.:p
 
Yeah I know what you mean about that behaviour being a hard thing to shake, that and the dreams, Do you ever have the recurring dreams? Or should that be another thread?
 
Beah,

I think I was forced into that "make it go right" attitude long before I went into the Sea Org.

At fourteen I got a job with my phoney I.D. working with the Ringling Brothers Circus cleaning animal cages. That's what I was doing when the Circus was on tour in between shop lifting for a living.

I had to get work and take care of myself somehow or I was going to become property of the State.

Anyway, when the Circus was up and on the road everyone was double hatted. Whatever your job was when the show wasn't going on changed when the show was on on. So, I was one of those people selling popcorn cokes trinkets during showtime.

The Circus wanted 3.00 for a bucket of popcorn, I just charged 4.00 and kept a dollar. Did the same with the coke and everything else. Who isn't going to buy popcorn for thier kid after paying those ticket prices and standing in that line?

Anyway, it was the first "organization" I worked in.

And beleive me, those people really DO coordinate thereby and therewith on every level like a well oiled clock. There is no MAA or juctice issues happening. The staff are all very very professional. And everyone treated eveyone like a family member.

I think because I had that experience first I did not adapt to anyones rudeness or abuse in the Sea Org.

The only place I had seen that kind of sadism and abuse was when I had been locked up.

Nothing bad happened to me in the Sea Org. I left because of what I saw others doing to others there.

By then I had been to too many wonderful places and worked with too many caring people to know that was not neccessary for a successful scene.

I wasn't a criminal and either were the other people. That people were treated as criminals there was an outpoint.

Don't get me wrong, there is 1.1 abuse where someone can smile at you the whole time they are fkn you up politely, and Scientologists can do that too.

Rights are a concept, if you don't back them up they do not exist.

The work and tasks of the staff in the Sea Org are very simple elementary workers tasks, outside of auditing.

Yet people go on post as some type of marching militia. Willing to be treated as soldiers although they are in no army and there is no war and most people these days are not even too interested in what they are doing in the rest of the world.

I saw people there in the same state of mind I had been in when I was fourteen and I was desperate avoiding becoming a ward of the court!

Anyone you depend on you become the effect of.

A lot of the staff are not there to be cause over the organization or the people or their posts. They are depending on the Sea Org for food, shelter, clothes, a game, a post, an identity. Yet, the Sea Org's foundation is all of the staff.

The more you spread out and look back and create a future the less you will be carrying the baggage from your past.

Every person goes through this. Even wogs have a hard time "changing habits" from customs in their family to habits formed in relationships.

Just think about a young kid coming home from two years in desert Iraq!

Think about inmates hitting the streets even after a year!

Think about the horrors the immigrants have to face fleeing here to survive and not even knowing the language!

Think about someone who has been on drugs trying to start all over!

The truth is, people start all over every day they wake up.

No matter where they are, it's just that most people don't see that is it a new day and they are going to be whatever they decide that day.

Every day of my life until two weeks after I turned 16 and bacame an immancipated minor was a PTP for me because I did not know on a daily basis where I would be planted and my only rights were to obey.

I actually became more liberated at 14 finding myself homeless!

I was not going to surrender to that that type of think again in the Sea Org.

I actually did what I decided to do in the Sea Org until one day I was ordered to do something I was not willing to do.

That's the day I had to leave.

Yet, there are people who decide to live in that kind of box thier whole life.

It's a character thing, yet, it was so unlike Hubbard.

Hubbard never worked for anyone but himself after he got out of the Navy.

Some people prefer to be monitored, I don't understand it.

I can't pretend to know what it must have been like to grow up in that box.

But now that you are out, have a look around, and just have fun without invalidating yourself or your past.

You did evolve.

Geeze, you could be charging at LEAST 25.00 an hour for custom cramming cycles!
 
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P.S. Beah,

Laugh out loud!

Your urges to steal were probably just bleeding down from the top!

As I am reckoning around the time you were trying to take a few dollars from the parking garage David Miscavige had his "finance police" out taking the Missions reserves!
 
Closing this thread

Bea Kiddo has finished telling her story so I'm closing this thread so it doesn't turn into something else.

:thanks: Bea for a wonderful story!!

p.s. The last two pages of post that were unrelated to Bea's story have been moved to here:

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=1122
 
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After closing this thread, I have discovered there is more to say.

My reasons for posting my story, though it is tough on me, and some is even quite embarrasing. My whole life is here on display, you know? And alot of people have shown respect and support for me having done that. And I thank all of you for that.

My reasons for posting my story are many, but mainly to expose what it is like being raised like that, seperated from family and all.

There are still more reflections, so I asked to be able to post them.

----

When I was sent to the RPF in 99, shortly after that, a letter was sent to me from my aunt. I had not ever heard from this aunt, ever, because it is my dads sister. My dad, being declared, was not part of our lives.

And so, with letters possibly containing bad news, an MAA was always with you when you read the letter, in case of bad reactions, they would be there to stop you from blowing, to check your indicators and so forth.

So I get handed this letter. What does it say? "Your grandfather has passed away. Please don't ask for money". My first reaction to this letter was "why is she writing to me? I am not allowed to be connected to her because she is connected to my dad". And this is what I told the MAA. So we decided to ignore the letter.

I never wrote back, never sent flowers, nothing. The last time that I had seen my grandfather was also in 82. I loved him. He used to own an antique shop that I used to play in during the summer. I loved those kid days when nothing was my problem.

Later I very much regretted how I handled this. I still do.

My point is, the reaction. It is so heartless. And this is normal for people in the SO. You send something bad in, they are going to figure out how to "make it go right". It is such a sad sad thing. :bigcry:

Now I am trying to find her. After 9 years, and only one letter, it may be very very tough.
 
I remembered something else:

Back in about 82 or 83: probably right after the mission holders conference, there were banners all over the place about Clearing the planet in 5 years. I was about 10 years old. I remember thinking how exciting that was for me because I knew I would be out of that place, in a regular life if we were no longer in the Sea Org.

Anyone know what became of that?
 
Bea Kiddo said:
Back in about 82 or 83: probably right after the mission holders conference, there were banners all over the place about Clearing the planet in 5 years. I was about 10 years old. I remember thinking how exciting that was for me because I knew I would be out of that place, in a regular life if we were no longer in the Sea Org.

Anyone know what became of that?
Click to expand...

Uhm....

Probably landed in the same place as:

Getting Ethics In On The Planet. (We can all see that that's going really well. :laugh:)

Eradicating Psychiatry By the Year 2000.

Making Every Existing Org Saint Hill Size.

(Making Scientology "a household word" may have actually happened. But I don't necessarily think how and why makes it A Good Thing...)
 
I would like to add that I did find my aunt. She is some sort of teacher, like my father (it is his sister).

She has been very much in touch with us these last few months. She has been very happy to hear from us (I cant say who us is yet, so dont ask, thanks. But its good that its us).

I am amazed to find out more and more of the story of what occured way back when.

A strange thing, I need to add here. Maybe this happens to everyone, I dont know, but I feel like mentioning it anyways. I never really felt loved by my mother. And my father was never around. And my brother, we got along ok, but we fought like normal kids too. My husband was alright I think, but he always wanted a divorce. Only very snall periods of love there - a few months at a time before it would go back to the doubt.

I guess I am used to not being loved. There you have it. And I live with that, and move on.

But my point in saying all this is: My aunt does love me and my brother. She has been in touch with me and I have discovered that she really wanted to adopt me and my brother, just so that we could be raised with a normal life and be able to make our own decisions on things.

Obviously that never happened.

And my grandmother on that side of the family got into a huge fight with my mother when I was 10, saying that I was really rude. Reason was because I was trying to force my grandmother to be a Scientologist by throwing and tantrum fit on the floor of their house. They did not know what to do about that.

And after that, there was very little contact with my fathers side of the family.

The last time I tried to contact my grandmother was when I was getting married. She hung up on me 5 times. Because she did not know who I was. I just kept calling her back until she would talk to me.

I told her that I was going to get married. First thing she said was "well, if it doesnt work, get rid of him!", then she said congratulations, after I asked her how long she had been married, which was over 50 years.

That was the last time I talked to her.

I really wish I had the chance to know my family more.

Instead of regretting the past, I think I will look to the future. And that will be an empty canvas, which I can fill with whatever I chose.

Peace and love to you all. And thank you for your support.
 
Thanks for adding that Bea. It is horrible what happened and happens with families. I also lost my grandparents when my family moved overseas for Scn. It caused ripples that last to this day, as they turned their back on our abberant lives, until we all came to our senses. I loved my grandparents and they have both gone now, so I didn't get to talk to them about it. By the time I could, they were both suffering dementia. I know they loved me though, and I remember that.

I am just adding a bit more because as I posted that I started crying. I didn't realise how much it affected me. I lost my grandparents and other family members..... I don't blame my family even though I didn't have a choice at the time, I understand too much to ever resort to blaming anyone.... but how effing sad it is.
 
I just started reading this thread

I may have your picture, and many others from back then at the
cadet org...

A long time back the CO sent me their 'hat pack' and a long written thing
about those days.

Because it was children, I never webbed the images, I did give a copy of it all to the LMT...but because it was kids, they never webbed it either, when Jeff J and Stacy and Bob were there. But everyone in those images is now about 30....it should not be a problem? But that was ten years ago...all those 'children' are now adults..I have some pictures from the LA kids ranch..

Ill find it and post the images, perhaps some of you guys will find yourselves...

warmest regards
arnie

kids-small.jpg
 
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Thank you for the pics. Some of those faces look familiar to me. Though the cots in the background look even more familiar to me... sigh.... I dont think I am in those pics. They are all blonde. I have always been a brunnette.

Do you know what year? And what base were those photos taken?
 
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