Not a big story, but it's mine

[Lurker5]

Gawd

Hi to all.

I'll start off by saying that my experience with staff was only short as it goes and most of the people I worked with seemed to be quite decent towards me.

My story starts about 1977 with a mate of mine, Eddie Hamilton. We lived at Mangere, a suburb of Auckland.

I'll leave out the part(s) that, I think, made me vulnerable to being a cult prime candidate for now. I'll get to all that at a later stage.

We were at work one day stoned on pot as usual, staring at a line of ants and philosophising about what it would be like to be an ant - typical of the usual mindless drivel stoners go on about (funny how those things stick in your memory), when Eddie asked me if I had read Dianetics. I was 19 - 20 then. We had been asking all sorts of questions about life and philosophy and I was ready to seriously think about giving up the weed and whatever else as I was really beginning to notice how steeply my downward spiral of life was descending.

I was on the edge of trying out heroin, but the idea spooked me and made me think about a few things. I started to consider survival. I made the decision to quit and went cold turkey. Took about 3 months to reach the point to be able to move forward from drugs and stopped considering myself to be their prisoner. Then I started to read Dianetics and began to get interested in the whole concept.

Eddie invited me one later day to come with him to Auckland Org - at night, so it was Foundation, I guess. It all seemed innocent and friendly enough and the people were welcoming. I met the Div 6 front girl, Karyn Rodgers. I liked her, she was so warm and friendly (we eventually became very good friends) and vivacious, like she was so full of confidence and life.

It wasn't long before we signed up for the communications course, which at the time was a lot of fun. I never took too much overly seriously and I sensed the Sup, Bob Howie, was getting a little watchful of me and kept putting me back on track. Eddie was much more focused and serious about it all. A couple of old friends (Lance Hoskins and Jimmy Chung) popped up during the course and started just after me. Eventually, I completed the course and began to think of what to do next. Like I said it was fun and became even more so with the arrival of those two, as they were a great comedy team.

Jimmy checked out of scio after that I think and Lance went on to SO for quite some time and got out some years ago.

My folks were a bit concerned about me getting involved with this lot. Dad gave me a manilla folder full of clippings and info about "zap". From memory, I think this was a Christchurch based splinter group based upon Scientology which seemed to have some disturbing attitudes. One that stuck in my mind was a guy in the group they interviewed who said that he would rather kick someone in the gutter than help him.

Feeling a bit concerned myself, I handed this dossier to Bob (the course sup) and asked him if he knew anything about this lot. He took it away (I assume to HCO or the GO) and that was all that was said about it. Naturally, I never saw it again. Looking back, if I had been much further into the system, I assume the reaction from the church would have been very different in a negative sense.

What most of us old hands would know is this was before the says of computers and internet. There was very little knowledge passing around about the cult. I had never heard of it until Eddie told me. So I had never heard of the negative press about it. I wasn't into reading the newspapers then, which was basically the only source of current information. The radio and TV with current affairs shows didn't have anything to say that I could recall. All I knew was to beware of the Hare Krishnas, the moonies, the Orange people (if my timeframe is right) and the punk rockers!


After I passed that course I signed up for the HQS. This was a different ballgame set in a courseroom where the attitude was much more serious and focused.
I started to think "F**k, I'm back in a classroom again, complete with a teacher". But the teacher doesn't teach. He just watches. All I had to do was to read the handouts, listen to some tapes and do the occasional clay demo. I am partially deaf (since I was 3) and the quickest way to lose me is to get the teacher to drone on. This was a far better environment for me to learn in. I moved at my own pace and absorbed the handouts. If only high school was like this, my grades would have been off the scale!

Ron's tapes were a bit of a challenge though. He could be quite coherent, but every now and again he'd mumble out some meaningless drivel which I couldn't quite hear or interpret. This meant hours trying to understand what the f**k he just said, trying to get help from the sup who refused to tell me what was said because it would have been verbal tech. After I finally managed to figure it, it was usually just drivel which had little or no meaning to the lecture at hand.

All that time wasted on total bullshit that could have been avoided by someone just telling me what that word or phrase was he said. Or by staying on track and not saying anything that didn't matter.

It does seem to be taking me a while to write all this and I guess I need to keep popping back occasionally to fill in other things that were happening as well. Hope I'm not boring you all here.

I also have to go away with my job tomorrow for a few days, so will not be able to add to this till then. Thanks for listening.

Gawd, this almost duplicates my first (and only) experiences . . .

Oh, and Hi, welcome, The_Fixer

 

[Royal Prince Xenu]

Pretty soon the world will be divided into two camps...

1. All of us baby boomers and esteemed elders who can remember wrestling with real mimeo machines... I remember typing a master on a long multi-layer page, peeling back to show a black inky layer, etc, attaching it to the outside drum correctly and HAND CRANKING to get a product! More often than not, the paper went through sideways, leaving prints slightly askew or wrinkled, hence the piles of discards, etc!

2. And the younger "brats" (love you guys!) who have NO IDEA what we are talking about!!!

Fortunately, my experience was not in a Scientological office environment. But I did struggle mightily with that darn thing to "make it go right"!

There is a small gap of forgotten people who saw the transition from one to the other.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

Hee! Hee!

LOL! The "gap" babies!

 

[The_Fixer]

Perhaps I need to backtrack a little now to show how I eventually arrived to this place.

It is thought that I was 3 when some illness left me with some damage to my hearing. Mumps, I think. My hearing problem was picked up, but not handled.

When my folks moved us up from Christchurch to Auckland when I was 7, Dad's mate, an audiologist, deemed that I should have had a hearing aid years ago. He told dad that I had taught myself to lip read, hence the level of severity was not correctly diagnosed.

I was almost always in trouble for something, mostly because I didn't hear what adults or teachers were saying. No one really believed me, so they usually just belted me for being difficult and shoved me away in another room on my own. I eventually learned to keep a low profile and sort of stay out of sight. I became quite a loner as it was risky getting noticed. I also got into a lot of fights, often with older kids.

What I now realise is that I was missing a valuable education that most other kids get - social interaction and skills building. This would have been the beginning of learning networking abilities, team work and making friends.

I couldn't play football or other team sports, as you often need hearing ability to move within the game and hear the other players making calls to you. I grew to loathe football, but it was a compulsory activity at school. Even today, I still cannot warm to the game. Or most other team sports for that matter.

The most demoralising thing was waiting in a large group whilst the team captains picked guys out for their teams. When they got down to the last few, it was obvious they didn't want us with them and it was down to the choice who - well I think you could guess the rest.

So. We moved to Auckland in 1965. New address. New school. New hearing aid which came with the threat of dire consequences should I lose it or break it. I could hear a bit more, but most people regarded it as a cure. Sure it helps, but it doesn't make me hear everything. It has its limits.

I was noticed with this new gadget and even more scary was becoming the centre of attention. In my mind at that time, a dangerous place to be.

I also was the first deaf person the other kids and most of the teachers had seen. For me, I was the first one I knew and the only one in the world.

I have posted my deaf story on a deaf forum and have since discovered that my story is a typical one in our community. The hearing world don't really understand our side of life and we don't very well, either. Until we started talking to each other and so much just falls into place. That is good therapy in itself, as it helps to remove your isolation.

Naturally, there are those who have the mental makeup where it doesn't really bother them and they do well regardless. But that applies everywhere we go in life, I guess.

God, this sounds so gloomy! It's not meant to be a sob story, just painting the canvas, shall we say. I'll add the pictures shortly for you.

To be continued....

 

[Lurker5]

Whoa

Whoa, Fix, that is sad. So sorry for that, that you had to go through that. People can be horrible, huh. You have overcome that, I think - well, quite a bit. I think these kind of traumas leave their mark on us, and if they do not destroy us, they make us more compassionate and understanding - and better human beings .

Thanks for being here, and for posting your story.

 

[Royal Prince Xenu]

When my folks moved us up from Christchurch to Auckland when I was 7, Dad's mate, an audiologist, deemed that I should have had a hearing aid years ago. He told dad that I had taught myself to lip read, hence the level of severity was not correctly diagnosed.
...
What I now realise is that I was missing a valuable education that most other kids get - social interaction and skills building. This would have been the beginning of learning networking abilities, team work and making friends.

I couldn't play football or other team sports, as you often need hearing ability to move within the game and hear the other players making calls to you. I grew to loathe football, but it was a compulsory activity at school. Even today, I still cannot warm to the game. Or most other team sports for that matter.

The most demoralising thing was waiting in a large group whilst the team captains picked guys out for their teams. When they got down to the last few, it was obvious they didn't want us with them and it was down to the choice who - well I think you could guess the rest.

...

The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome made sure that my school life was similar to what you have described.

I discovered, quite by accident, that I had learned lip-reading when I was watching one TV while recording from another. During an ad break--I glanced across to the monitor on the VCR and recognised the song being sung--the album containing that song had only been out a couple of months.

I know of a married couple, both deaf, and both denied knowledge of signing--because it makes them lazy! This means that family members have to go over and assist them whenever they're dealing with a tradesperson etc.. I feel very negative about that approach, although I suppose that if they could sign they would still need assistance in those same situations.

 

[AnonKat]

welcome

 

[The_Fixer]

Wow AK, that's a big read..

I will have to thumb through it gradually.

 

[The_Fixer]

I will have to add here that I am only moderately deaf. Not profoundly.

This adds to it a problem where it is not a visible disability. This creates an issue where others tend to believe that I was putting it on or I am stupid. Anything that denies or diminishes the problem. Mental health issues often falls into this category as well.

By visible, I mean that if I was in a wheelchair or was missing an arm for instance, others see that readily and acknowledge the disability when appropriate. This does not diminish the disability, merely points out other people's perception and their acceptance level towards it. We often tend to disbelieve what we can't see. Even I tend to be the same way at times.

RPF points out that he can lip read. What many people don't realise is that we all lip read to varying degrees. It is part of the body language set and communication skills. A lot of our words are very close in sounds and we use mouth and lip movement to determine the differences in the word, albeit subconciously. This explains part of why we need to look at faces during important conversations.

As we lose one of our senses, others often enhance to help compensate. Mine was improved visual perception and enhancing my lip reading skills. RPF has improved his skills by the tasks he was doing and by being observant.

Perhaps others should try and watch, shall we say, the TV news. Just watch the faces as they talk and I bet you'll be surprised by what you can pick up. It improves with practice. I often watch old movies with the sound off late at night so I'm not disturbing the family. I actually find it quite relaxing sometimes.

 

[The_Fixer]

Whoa, Fix, that is sad. So sorry for that, that you had to go through that. People can be horrible, huh. You have overcome that, I think - well, quite a bit. I think these kind of traumas leave their mark on us, and if they do not destroy us, they make us more compassionate and understanding - and better human beings .

Thanks for being here, and for posting your story.

I look at it in the way where it made me a little different to others, not as a source of anger and bitterness, although I do have those feelings at times. Not a bad different, just different. Otherwise, I quite agree with your comments and thanks for your nice thoughts.

 

[TR'SIN]

The background does put a layer of complexity under your story. You style of writing makes it easy to read.

Please continue . . .

 

[AnonyMary]

I will have to add here that I am only moderately deaf. Not profoundly.

This adds to it a problem where it is not a visible disability. This creates an issue where others tend to believe that I was putting it on or I am stupid. Anything that denies or diminishes the problem. Mental health issues often falls into this category as well.

By visible, I mean that if I was in a wheelchair or was missing an arm for instance, others see that readily and acknowledge the disability when appropriate. This does not diminish the disability, merely points out other people's perception and their acceptance level towards it. We often tend to disbelieve what we can't see. Even I tend to be the same way at times.

RPF points out that he can lip read. What many people don't realise is that we all lip read to varying degrees. It is part of the body language set and communication skills. A lot of our words are very close in sounds and we use mouth and lip movement to determine the differences in the word, albeit subconciously. This explains part of why we need to look at faces during important conversations.

As we lose one of our senses, others often enhance to help compensate. Mine was improved visual perception and enhancing my lip reading skills. RPF has improved his skills by the tasks he was doing and by being observant.

Perhaps others should try and watch, shall we say, the TV news. Just watch the faces as they talk and I bet you'll be surprised by what you can pick up. It improves with practice. I often watch old movies with the sound off late at night so I'm not disturbing the family. I actually find it quite relaxing sometimes.

 

[degraded being]

I wonder if that hearing problem/disability (or whatever you want to call it) affected your writing style in a positive way. There is something about your writing style I really like. Everything comes out in such a nice flow.
(Not to say that you wouldn't write well if you had full hearing LOL)

 

[Royal Prince Xenu]

I will have to add here that I am only moderately deaf. Not profoundly.

This adds to it a problem where it is not a visible disability. This creates an issue where others tend to believe that I was putting it on or I am stupid. Anything that denies or diminishes the problem. Mental health issues often falls into this category as well.

By visible, I mean that if I was in a wheelchair or was missing an arm for instance, others see that readily and acknowledge the disability when appropriate. This does not diminish the disability, merely points out other people's perception and their acceptance level towards it. We often tend to disbelieve what we can't see. Even I tend to be the same way at times.

RPF points out that he can lip read. What many people don't realise is that we all lip read to varying degrees. It is part of the body language set and communication skills. A lot of our words are very close in sounds and we use mouth and lip movement to determine the differences in the word, albeit subconciously. This explains part of why we need to look at faces during important conversations.

As we lose one of our senses, others often enhance to help compensate. Mine was improved visual perception and enhancing my lip reading skills. RPF has improved his skills by the tasks he was doing and by being observant.

Perhaps others should try and watch, shall we say, the TV news. Just watch the faces as they talk and I bet you'll be surprised by what you can pick up. It improves with practice. I often watch old movies with the sound off late at night so I'm not disturbing the family. I actually find it quite relaxing sometimes.

It's RPX, as in Xenu, not Fenu

The same problem exists with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other auto-immune issues. They are "invisible" so people often choose to remain ignorant, even those who have suffered a short-term version of it: "I got over it, so can you," which is untrue, because for 3/4 of my life, no one even knew that I had an illness which means that the effort to keep up with "normal" has burnt my body out.

I look forward to reading more of your story.

 

[The_Fixer]

It's RPX, as in Xenu, not Fenu

The same problem exists with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other auto-immune issues. They are "invisible" so people often choose to remain ignorant, even those who have suffered a short-term version of it: "I got over it, so can you," which is untrue, because for 3/4 of my life, no one even knew that I had an illness which means that the effort to keep up with "normal" has burnt my body out.

I look forward to reading more of your story.

Oops, my bad... RPX. Don't know what sent me off tech there...LOL

I get what you're saying though and I agree with you.

 

[The_Fixer]

I wonder if that hearing problem/disability (or whatever you want to call it) affected your writing style in a positive way. There is something about your writing style I really like. Everything comes out in such a nice flow.
(Not to say that you wouldn't write well if you had full hearing LOL)

Thanks DB. I was always an avid reader, so I guess I learned some stuff as I went along. I write what I think, then preview and finally post. Then I re-check it and edit if I think necessary. So it doesn't just necessarily flow off the fingertips as such.

Maybe also being in Div 2 and doing the magazine each month was good practice as well.

I have always been a very good speller and tend to be a bit of a grammar nazi (towards myself).

If the photo in your profile is actually you, then you do seem familiar somehow. I wonder if we have met before now?

 

[Infinite]

. . . <snip> . . . I have always been a very good speller and tend to be a bit of a grammar nazi (towards myself) . . . <snip> . . .

Pssst! You're not alone . . . http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=18650&highlight=grammar+nazi

 

[degraded being]

Thanks DB. I was always an avid reader, so I guess I learned some stuff as I went along. I write what I think, then preview and finally post. Then I re-check it and edit if I think necessary. So it doesn't just necessarily flow off the fingertips as such.

Maybe also being in Div 2 and doing the magazine each month was good practice as well.

I have always been a very good speller and tend to be a bit off a grammar nazi (towards myself).

If the photo in your profile is actually you, then you do seem familiar somehow. I wonder if we have met before now?

Oh no, that ain't me in that profile photo. That's Senator Xenophon, our Oz senator hero. Wouldn't mind if it was my face.

 

[The_Fixer]

Oh no, that ain't me in that profile photo. That's Senator Xenophon, our Oz senator hero. Wouldn't mind if it was my face.

Hahahahaa... walked right into that one!

Of course he's familiar..

My bad - again!

 

[Royal Prince Xenu]

Hahahahaa... walked right into that one!

Of course he's familiar..

My bad - again!

I just wonder what DB is going to do when the good Senator wants his face back.