Thank you Feral! Wow, you sure is good with that hammer & nails! Whoa!
From the "Life is stranger than fiction" files, just yesterday I printed off a doc I had written about a year ago. I have written a great deal to try and help make sense of what I was going through as I stripped back the scientology indoc. The “ravings of a slightly-insane-but-getting-better-by-the-day-former-scientologist” give me a good frame of ref as to how far I have come. They give me something to look back on and go “Oh wow, I made it out of that mess!”
The doc was titled "Real and raw conversation with myself".
Some excerpts:
"Do you really want others to go through what you have been through"?
My answer to myself: NO. I did have some good things happen to me in scientology but they were less than 30% of the time. Statistically I would say that scientology is very downstat. They do not deliver what they promise.
"Do you really think the planet needs this tech? Do you really think it is the only way?"
I answered: well so long as it is safe to be honest here, my answer is no. I think that the scientology "way" is over-rated, expensive, esoteric and at times, plain ridiculous. The people handling me kept telling me that when I did my OT levels all would be wonderful but most of the OTs I know are sort of numb, in debt to the heavens and well, not winning in life one way or another. I can't continue to passionately strive for something that seems so messed up - per my own observations. There is something wrong in scientology but I can't work it out and it is troubling me greatly. I need to step back from this thing and calmly look. I can't fathom out how scientology is going to achieve its stated aims of a cleared planet (which to me does not mean every man being a clear but the theta/entheta ratio being tipped towards theta) with the way it treats its members. Nothing makes sense.
"Do you want the people you love to have scientology?"
I answered myself: The people I know, successful, happy, vibrant, totally terrific people would be miserable in scientology. They would hate the heavy control of their lives and the insane demands. The people I know are shinning stars - smart, funny - just the finest people. These people would never want to hand over so much of their hard earnt money to a group that was not delivering what it promised. They are just not that fucking stupid.
The point is Feral's Fabulous List (FFL) is the REAL stuff that people drowning in the confusions that scientology generates need to consider. The FFL, IMO, should be used gently & lovingly though. These questions strike at the core of the beliefs of a person. It requires a deep level of self-honesty and self-trust to start sincerely answering these very real questions. Well suppressed emotions start to rise to the surface. After years of filtering and justifying all the madness I had seen and been through, it was not a walk in the park to start seeing things for what they were.
Having said that, the joy and wonder that lies on the other side of getting straight & honest with self, is beyond description. The sense of self-empowerment that one feels from unshackling oneself from the insidious controls of scientology is worth every tear cried along the way. I went into scientology as a "truth-seeker" and I have left with that same concept firmly in place.
Paul, thank you for the .doc. Will put to good use.