in and out again!
Okay. So I left off on the first time I was offloaded. I had a huge freeloaders debt. (Flag Trained twice!) I had to get up the bridge at least to OT3 before my label would be removed. I couldn't be trusted or trust myself. It was a bit spinny I guess.
Anyway, I had friends who were not Scientologists and I had a boyfriend who still was a Scientologist. My Boyfriend was a very laid back surfer guy. The whole time we were dating going back to our preScientology days, he was always late. He was late for school every day through out High School. He was late for every concert, movie, party, dinner etc we ever attended. I really had no problem with it. I accepted it. He was so cool in so many ways. I got used to seeing the second half of the movie first. I never expected to arrive anywhere on time with him. So when he told me that his intern Supervisor had indicated to him that the reason he is late for course every day is because he is connected to me, you would think I wouldn't buy it. But I did. After all my R/Ses might have been causing him to be late since before he met me. I mean anything is possible.
So I just worked out how to get my life going again. I had to sort of reorient myself to life outside of Scientology. I went back to school for awhile. I got a couple of different jobs. Truthfully I didn't think too much about Scientology.
At some point, I had a conversation with a Scientologist. She was from out of town. My boyfriend's sister was recently completed on OT3 I believe. She was visiting her family and contacted me. She said she was concerned about my situation. By now there were a bunch of people attesting to Dianetic Clear. (Actually everybody was attesting - Dianetic Clear was flavor of the month) So she told me that perhaps I was Clear.
WTF? I was pretty sure she had some kind of screw loose. I was a List 1 R/Ser, a freeloader, DB, Org wrecker, source of trouble.
I had accepted this and was making it work in my own way. She was just off her rocker! She went on to explain that R/Ses on Clears don't mean the same thing as R/Ses on a preclear.
Whatever! I wasn't really interested. I knew I wasn't clear. I certainly hadn't attained what I wanted from Clear. I was looking forward to the EP of Grade 0, thank you very much. I just wasn't even remotely interested.
But it got me to thinking...... you know if people are/were going clear on Dianetics, maybe some who had done the Clearing course had already been Clear, and Dianetics was moved from under the Grades to above the Grades on the Grade Chart.:confused2: I guess sometimes Scientologists make mistakes, or Sometimes Scientology contains mistakes. A new concept was evolving in my mind. I knew that Scientology was defined as "workable". I got that it isn't perfect. But per KSW Series 1, I also got that there is no reason to change it.
I best not look too closely at this. I still want to know more and I'm sure there is more to know.
So, I get contacted by my local Org. They interview me. They try to lead me down the Dianetic Clear trail. I don't go there. I tried, but couldn't come up with anything that would justify me attesting like all of the others. truthfully at this point I didn't want to be part of that club. Clear didn't look like much to me at this point. I was in better company as an R/Ser as far as I could see. I still couldn't be recovered as public because I had a freeloader debt. I figured that was the end of that. I agreed to make payments on my freeloader debt. Life went on.
Then I was called in by my mission. I was told that the whole List 1 R/Ser thing was a big mistake and they wanted me back on post immediately! An eval was done and I was determined to be a plus point, not an outpoint, and blah blah blah
NOW why is it that once I have finally gotten on with my life, made things okay for myself, I have to revisit this decision to be a staff member. Well, you know how this turns out.
I decide to get back in the course room and make some auditors. That's what I am trained to do. I can use my Flag training instead of paying for it and never using it. And .....
that's right back in again. Next time I get kicked out I will get declared. I'll be back to fill you all in on that real soon.
Good Twin