, and I ain't got pink hair - phew! 
Ceedia,
You have got to know this... I think it was around the time that the fight was on regarding putting advertisements on the Dianetics Volcano to help finance it. I was on staff at the time and it seemed like a sane idea especially as it gave the appearance to be in good with other businesses - fantastic PR. However the execs at the time on Foundation org were busily villifying you behind your back - we all know what tone level that is BUT, the coolest thing about this was any time they knew that you were in the org they would shit themselves!
Honey, you are an amazing chick! I beleive the orgs did all they could to get rid of you because you opened up your mouth - don't ever change that!
Oh, and for me, I want to say thankyou for posting your story - in regards to "the powers that be" saying that you were PTS Type III and it being believable because they had succesfully keyed you in, firmly up your arse, I too was given a lable. I was "psychotic". In several L. Ron Hubbard organisations I would notice out-points and try to handle. They would be ignored. I would try again and they were ignored. The one terminal I had at the time seemed to want me to shut my mouth because I was causing "trouble". So all I had was myself as "counsel" and it sucked. I needed strength in numbers but I had no-one. So of course I started to get cross (maybe a little more than that, but it communicates). So then I would look like - yep! A psychotic.
Thankyou Ceedia (and ESMB), for putting your stories here to be read so that I could see that I am not a psychotic but just a loose cannon and I don't mind that one little bit!
Love your guts,
Mary
Thanks FFL. Your understanding (and that of others), is truly warming.
How do you think we felt? It was a tough one - we were tied into contracts with site owner and were caught between a rock and a hard place, but despite that, when we were discussing rejection of the thing, CLO and CMO wouldn't "allow" us to entertain the idea of any further delays
. 
I still get the willies whenever I think of that damn project! It was an endless nightmare! 
How do you think we felt? It was a tough one - we were tied into contracts with site owner and were caught between a rock and a hard place, but despite that, when we were discussing rejection of the thing, CLO and CMO wouldn't "allow" us to entertain the idea of any further delays
Thanks for all your support and encouragement folks! This little "exercise" of mine, has been way more beneficial than what I could have imagined. The last two or three days (especially), have been enlightening!
As I've said before, I was writing and posting this part of my story in order to give those in ANZO more reality on what does and has actually gone down within the CofS. Many knew/know me around these parts, and those who did/do would have taken my account of what went down, at face value.
As it turned out, it has had a great effect on me personally. I had no idea on how "sad" and "lossy" I still was, in regard to my experience and life within the CofS, as well as in regard to what I felt about myself. Writing, posting, getting feedback (on board as well as on personal lines), and getting data.....the truth finally.....has blown that lingering sadness and loss away! I truly have my life back now.
To a certain degree, those fuckers put me into a hole and shut me up for 10 years or so. Life for me HAS been good these last ten years, but I had no idea that I was still living a life/lie of self abnegation - until after I started posting on this thread.
Through posting this final part of my history in Scn (and through feedback), I've discovered how they so successfuly "dead agented"/"black PR'd me, to so many. I could never understand the "good roads fair weather" that I copped from so many when our paths crossed. I used to wonder "How could they believe this crap?" "Why would it make a difference?", "WTF has happened?", "Why don't I belong?", "WTF have I done?".
Well, it's apparent now (from emails and text messages I've had forwarded to me), that those in the field, didn't actually give a shit about my past, nor did they buy the black PR on the "Bob" story. They did though "buy" that I had gone "nutty" - that I be "best left well alone" for MY sake. I've heard the same "line" now, from various sources, and from the people who have been contacting me in the last couple of days, apologizing for buying it way back then.
How smart of OSA and the CofS! Of course people who I had worked with, fsmed, audited, C/Sed for, protected and helped, weren't going to just "buy" that I was a "bad egg". The "nutty"/"on the verge of type 3" line though, could and would fly (especially as I was so introverted up my arse after those bloody interviews and comm-ev). With much effort and attention on the part of OSA and CofS Execs - the "line" worked. People bought it. Bloody lovely! While I could certainly go off the wall and bloody nuts when I was cranky and faced with insideous injustices and the like - I wasn't anywhere near "nutty" or "type 3". To suggest that (let alone forward that line to the rest of the field), was a heinous crime.
I now understand it. Knowing what went down has blown away so much shit in my world! It's fully restored my self respect and my personal peace at heart (after all this time - I wasn't even aware that any of it needed restoring). I had erroneously assigned the reason/cause of my life crashing, to my own doing - when it wasn't at all! Knowing this has shifted mountains for me.
I now know what the Cof S did to me and so do others! They killed my spirit, had me cleverly packaged and submerged in a horrid dark place. Thank God and thanks to the help of many, I am no longer there! My strength and my purpose in life, is fully restored. I am content within myself and happy with my life. It feels good to have my passion and drive back, as it does being steeled in regard to my current endeavours.
Thanks and cheers folks!
Ceedia
). I don't have the experience that I guess most of you may have, but I can only perceive what's in front of me. I have read many posts and can see many wrong doings within the CoS not just on this board but from experience as well.I'm shocked...
I had lived with my mother all my life (As most children do) until about 3 years ago. I was only a kid when all this shit went down. I was aware of a lot compared to what some other kids may have been aware of; I wasn't told everything, but I perceived a lot.
To see it all put in writing hurts me to think my own Mother was put through that and makes me realise what was actually happening back then.
Mum, you’re so strong and I don't know how you went through all that and were still such a great mum and were there for us (My brothers and I). I don't know how you continued to be such a strong and productive person in many areas after that.
These past few weeks/months since you have got this off your chest/put it out there; you have been a different person, stronger and with more purpose than what you already had. I love you so much and you have so much to bring to this world. It’s great to see you doing what you are doing now not just for yourself, but others that you care about and everyone else around you.
I believe it is very important that we get everyone to look at what's happening to them and their environment, and see that the CoS is not doing what it is making out to be doing. You are definitely showing others that they can step out of the box and say 'That's not fucking right!'.
I was brought up a Scientologist all my life; I wouldn't have it any other way. The tools I have learnt are indispensible and I could never negate them. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I do believe though, that the current management of the CoS is not doing their job, their leader DM is a cock head and they should all be dismissed.
For those sitting on the fence, thinking you can't get rid of it for it will all be lost, or it is the only way to get these services which all can benefit from... Something that is so great, as so much of the tech in Scientology is, will never be lost. There are so many out there that know the tech, have the tech in writing (and not the stuff altered by modern RTC), and providing services with the original tech (Such as the Free zone), which is the stuff I know from what I have read and learnt from my parents.
Then again... I'm just a Kid (Well according to my mother, I'm 22, I think I'm pretty grown up :confused2:
It clearly shows the CoS is not a greater good (by any means) and should not continue. If we really want to 'clear this planet' as the CoS promotes so much, I think we need to start by removing the corruption that is the current CoS and then we can look and see what we need to do from there. It’s certainly a big job and it's definitely not happening with the current CoS organisation.
I'm happy to hear what any of you might want to say or add to my viewpoint. I'm all ears.
Mum, again I love you so much and I think you are performing a great duty to your peers and friends.
Love,
Zac
I was shocked to read Ceedias story as well..actually gobsmacked. I had only heard a small section about the volcano and not in detail. The way she was treated is absolutely unacceptable !!! 
I could rave on about this but I'd rather not as I get outraged. 
RPX, We know but please don't give Ceedia any more "willies" over it!
I was only criticising the fibre-glass--as for the video screen, well that could have cost a real packet, as large outdoor screens were only an emerging technology at the time.
Teckid: You have a great, wonderful and fantastic mother out there. I hope you can understand the true value of the honesty she has included in her story.
lrh said we were put here "to survive". Your mum is a SURVIVOR.
