Free to shine
Shiny & Free
Zac, I only have one son - can I adopt you as Back-up ?
Roy, sometimes you are really funny!
I second the emotion though.
Tag end, of the catalyst for me & parts of a story
- Thread starter Carmel
- Start date
Roy, sometimes you are really funny!
I second the emotion though.
I told you I was trouble
Suspended animation
Zac, I only have one son - can I adopt you as Back-up ?
This is a powerful and impinging post; and we are surely gonna win this one for the benefit of all!
Roy, the EP's EP
No No !! EP .... I want him!!
You are a beautiful person Zac and I seriously want to adopt you ... (and your Ma!) ... XXX
You are an amazing family.
Zac
Patron
I'm not up for adoption!!
Hey all,
All I can say is I'm not up for adoption. I might be a kid compared to a lot of you but I'm my own person and am quite independant. I'm would love to be a friend of you all! From what I have read you are great people. The validation is great but I think my head is big enough as it is..
We need to have a Sydney ESMB bash (aka get together).. Who's going to set a date??
Lots of love,
Teckid
Hey all,
All I can say is I'm not up for adoption. I might be a kid compared to a lot of you but I'm my own person and am quite independant. I'm would love to be a friend of you all! From what I have read you are great people. The validation is great but I think my head is big enough as it is..
We need to have a Sydney ESMB bash (aka get together).. Who's going to set a date??
Lots of love,
Teckid
EP - Ethics Particle
Gold Meritorious Patron
An alternate solution!
Rear Zac/Teckid,
Well OK. I understand perfectly. 
How about this then - since I'm prolly old enought to be your GRANDFATHER anyway for chrissake! 
AND, being I am an "only child" and have no nephews or neices 
Why don't you consider me a "Dutch Uncle" OK? :confused2:
Just in case you don't know what a "Dutch Uncle" is; where I come from it means a guy who is senior in years to ya, always has your best interests at heart; and, tells you what you need to hear whether you want to listen or not!
Think about it as long as you want to; the offer stands indefinitely.
And yeah, get on with the ESMB "get-together" plans some ones of you!
Love ya,
Roy/EP
Hey all,
All I can say is I'm not up for adoption. I might be a kid compared to a lot of you but I'm my own person and am quite independant. I'm would love to be a friend of you all! From what I have read you are great people. The validation is great but I think my head is big enough as it is..
We need to have a Sydney ESMB bash (aka get together).. Who's going to set a date??
Lots of love,
Teckid
Rear Zac/Teckid,
Well OK.
I understand perfectly. How about this then - since I'm prolly old enought to be your GRANDFATHER anyway for chrissake! AND, being I am an "only child" and have no nephews or neices Why don't you consider me a "Dutch Uncle" OK? :confused2: Just in case you don't know what a "Dutch Uncle" is; where I come from it means a guy who is senior in years to ya, always has your best interests at heart; and, tells you what you need to hear whether you want to listen or not!
Think about it as long as you want to; the offer stands indefinitely.
And yeah, get on with the ESMB "get-together" plans some ones of you!
Love ya,
Roy/EP
Terril park
Sponsor
I'm shocked...
I had lived with my mother all my life (As most children do) until about 3 years ago. I was only a kid when all this shit went down. I was aware of a lot compared to what some other kids may have been aware of; I wasn't told everything, but I perceived a lot.
To see it all put in writing hurts me to think my own Mother was put through that and makes me realise what was actually happening back then.
Mum, you’re so strong and I don't know how you went through all that and were still such a great mum and were there for us (My brothers and I). I don't know how you continued to be such a strong and productive person in many areas after that.
These past few weeks/months since you have got this off your chest/put it out there; you have been a different person, stronger and with more purpose than what you already had. I love you so much and you have so much to bring to this world. It’s great to see you doing what you are doing now not just for yourself, but others that you care about and everyone else around you.
I believe it is very important that we get everyone to look at what's happening to them and their environment, and see that the CoS is not doing what it is making out to be doing. You are definitely showing others that they can step out of the box and say 'That's not fucking right!'.
I was brought up a Scientologist all my life; I wouldn't have it any other way. The tools I have learnt are indispensible and I could never negate them. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I do believe though, that the current management of the CoS is not doing their job, their leader DM is a cock head and they should all be dismissed.
For those sitting on the fence, thinking you can't get rid of it for it will all be lost, or it is the only way to get these services which all can benefit from... Something that is so great, as so much of the tech in Scientology is, will never be lost. There are so many out there that know the tech, have the tech in writing (and not the stuff altered by modern RTC), and providing services with the original tech (Such as the Free zone), which is the stuff I know from what I have read and learnt from my parents.
Then again... I'm just a Kid (Well according to my mother, I'm 22, I think I'm pretty grown up :confused2:). I don't have the experience that I guess most of you may have, but I can only perceive what's in front of me. I have read many posts and can see many wrong doings within the CoS not just on this board but from experience as well.
It clearly shows the CoS is not a greater good (by any means) and should not continue. If we really want to 'clear this planet' as the CoS promotes so much, I think we need to start by removing the corruption that is the current CoS and then we can look and see what we need to do from there. It’s certainly a big job and it's definitely not happening with the current CoS organisation.
I'm happy to hear what any of you might want to say or add to my viewpoint. I'm all ears.
Mum, again I love you so much and I think you are performing a great duty to your peers and friends.
Love,
Zac
Dear Carmel,
Whatever the opposite in the colour spectrum to " goldenrod"
I'm sure you will like to put this on that background, and in gold leaf lettering, frame it and put it on the living room wall. Or on your chest as a medal.
In a time, maybe all times, when the children always saw parents as
" uncool", [ mine too
] you have this wonderful testament. Really happy for you.
)))
Terril park
Sponsor
"These SO idiots didn't care about what it cost, after all, it wasn't their money and, despite being forced to live on a pittance themselves, they have no concept of value for money or what it takes to earn a living in the real world, they think money grows on Publics! "
A great sigline for someone?
Perhaps shortened to :-
" SO idiots, after all it wasn't their money, they think money grows on Publics! "
Or variations.
A great sigline for someone?
Perhaps shortened to :-
" SO idiots, after all it wasn't their money, they think money grows on Publics! "
Or variations.
Axiom142
Gold Meritorious Patron
"These SO idiots didn't care about what it cost, after all, it wasn't their money and, despite being forced to live on a pittance themselves, they have no concept of value for money or what it takes to earn a living in the real world, they think money grows on Publics! "
A great sigline for someone?
Perhaps shortened to :-
" SO idiots, after all it wasn't their money, they think money grows on Publics! "
Or variations.
Terril,
Money does grow on publics.
And every time someone hands over a big wad of cash for some 'emergency' just because they are told that it is the greatest good ... etc, then it reinforces that viewpoint.
But hopefully now the public all over this planet are starting to get the message and this source of income will start to dry up and maybe some of the staff will start to realise that they are just not delivering.
Axiom142
Axiom142
Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm shocked...
I had lived with my mother all my life (As most children do) until about 3 years ago. I was only a kid when all this shit went down. I was aware of a lot compared to what some other kids may have been aware of; I wasn't told everything, but I perceived a lot.
To see it all put in writing hurts me to think my own Mother was put through that and makes me realise what was actually happening back then.
Mum, you’re so strong and I don't know how you went through all that and were still such a great mum and were there for us (My brothers and I). I don't know how you continued to be such a strong and productive person in many areas after that.
These past few weeks/months since you have got this off your chest/put it out there; you have been a different person, stronger and with more purpose than what you already had. I love you so much and you have so much to bring to this world. It’s great to see you doing what you are doing now not just for yourself, but others that you care about and everyone else around you.
I believe it is very important that we get everyone to look at what's happening to them and their environment, and see that the CoS is not doing what it is making out to be doing. You are definitely showing others that they can step out of the box and say 'That's not fucking right!'.
I was brought up a Scientologist all my life; I wouldn't have it any other way. The tools I have learnt are indispensible and I could never negate them. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I do believe though, that the current management of the CoS is not doing their job, their leader DM is a cock head and they should all be dismissed.
For those sitting on the fence, thinking you can't get rid of it for it will all be lost, or it is the only way to get these services which all can benefit from... Something that is so great, as so much of the tech in Scientology is, will never be lost. There are so many out there that know the tech, have the tech in writing (and not the stuff altered by modern RTC), and providing services with the original tech (Such as the Free zone), which is the stuff I know from what I have read and learnt from my parents.
Then again... I'm just a Kid (Well according to my mother, I'm 22, I think I'm pretty grown up :confused2:
It clearly shows the CoS is not a greater good (by any means) and should not continue. If we really want to 'clear this planet' as the CoS promotes so much, I think we need to start by removing the corruption that is the current CoS and then we can look and see what we need to do from there. It’s certainly a big job and it's definitely not happening with the current CoS organisation.
I'm happy to hear what any of you might want to say or add to my viewpoint. I'm all ears.
Mum, again I love you so much and I think you are performing a great duty to your peers and friends.
Love,
Zac
Zac,
I’m glad to hear that you appreciate your mum, she is a wonderful person. It must be very upsetting to hear about what she went through. I hope that you never have to experience anything like that yourself.
You asked for some feedback so here is mine.
I was 22 when I first got into Scientology. I thought that I had found the answer to everything, but mostly I wanted to fix the things that I perceived as being wrong with me. I wasn’t happy with my life and wanted to change it for the better. Somehow it never seemed to work out the way I expected or hoped.
But, that’s life I guess. Hang on in there through the bad times, enjoy the good times and be prepared for surprises. Something that is very important to me, is that one day, hopefully a few years from now, I want to be able to look back on my life and ask the question “Did I do good?”
I thought that by being a Scientologist, I could do more good than I could ever have imagined. I was wrong. If you want to do good, be a good person and live a good life. All else stems from that.
I agree with you that there is much in Scientology that is worthwhile and valuable. Trouble is, trying to separate it from the rubbish and downright evil. Although most of the Scientologists I have known are good people, the institution of the ‘church’ is corrupt from the top down. When that situation exists, only those who act in the same way can survive in positions of any power.
I have long since given up any hope of clearing the planet. Perhaps if the CoS collapses soon, something can be salvaged but it won’t be done by forcing everyone to remake themselves in Ron’s image. Scientology should be there to help people, not dictate how they live their lives. Only by rediscovering this can Scientology truly have a global impact. But, it needs to happen from the ground up. People have to want it, not be forced to have it.
Don’t worry about being younger than most here, I think many of us would gladly swap places with you.
Experience comes with age but it also comes by living life. Be prepared to look and learn and you will do alright. You have your life ahead of you, enjoy it, and don’t get fooled again!
Axiom142
Carmel
Crusader
My early days...good times!
I was introduced to scn by one of my brothers at the end of '79, when I was on my way from Western Australia to NZ, for another brother's wedding.
I stopped off in Sydney and went into the org - the new premises in Castelreagh St, that all the staff were busy moving into. I thought all the people I met were great and I loved and trusted my brother. He told me that this is what we had been looking for. After looking for myself, I believed it was, or could be.
I found out about auditing and I really wanted to be an auditor, but I was concerned about my literacy level interferring with that (at that time I had the literacy level of an eight year old). My brother assured me that scn could handle that (even though later he admitted to thinking that I was so dumb in the area that there was probably nothing that could handle that one).
I'd had a shocker of a year in '79 (with the exception of the last few months). The idea of a new environment, new friends and a new start was very appealing. I decided that after the wedding in NZ, I'd hitch back to Perth, pack up my scant belongings, say goodbye to my mates and head back to Sydney to join staff.
Somehow I was slotted for the TTC (technical training core) without a production record, but I had to get through staff status I and II first. Initially that was a bit of a nightmare to say the least. Here's me - miss literate of the universe (not!), confronted with KSW 1 straight up!
It didn't take me days, it took me weeks to get through it, and then pass a starrate check out on it. However, in that time I learned a shitlload. We had a great STO (staff training officer) who helped me get through it. I cleared words and words and words (getting into all sorts of word chains) - they were all 'not-understoods' as opposed to 'mis-understoods'. When I got through it, I could read (well - at least much better than I could!).
I disagreed with much in KSW1, but I was told that I didn't have to agree with it all, I just had to understand it and apply it while working in the CofS. I could 'have' that, and took some key things on board; points 1 -10; the concept on 'group think' (I had reality on that in other groups to which I had belonged); adherence to procedure while applying the tech.
I struggled through the rest of SS I, but by the time I got to the end of SS II, I was 'flying', in comparison. Odete (the STO), was a fantastic help, got me through it all and to that level where I could read fairly well after being all but an illiterate - it wasn't her hat to do that, but she cared and gave me all the help I needed.
Then I was in the academy as a TTC member - and all was so good (or seemed to be). There were about 10 -12 of us in the TTC over that next 12 month period. We were all young, just like the majority of the staff, and we pretty well had a ball being on staff at this time.
We had a couple of mentors/older people running the org, who were SO crew. I think back now to what they had to deal with with all of us, and I shake my head. We were mostly in our 20's (I was 21). The boys were still very much lads - lots of fooling around, silly bugger pranks, and much fun, laughter and 'play'.
Harry, Pat and Ethel who were pretty well running the org, allowed us to be who we were, and didn't try to stifle our spirit of play. They had kids our age, so granted us lots of space and freedom to be ourselves. I do believe they loved and cared for us, and others who were on Syd Day staff at the time feel the same way.
Most of us all did our 12 1/2 hours study (over and above post time), and we all had moonlight jobs, but we still found time to party on weekends. We'd do the usual stuff like; frequent jazz bars, go to the cross (Kings Cross), go to the Coogee Bay Hotel dancing (then skinny dip in the ocean afterward to cool off), manage the odd concert, and go to the odd rugby game etc. There were about 40 of us that would kind of hang together, in and outside of the org, and we had a ball (even though we had to miss out on the odd night's sleep to manage it all).
I was on fulltime training and all was going well – The student Hat certainly dealt with the remaining problems I had concerning my ability to read. The purif was just a blow out for me – it gave me an entirely new head space (having a very heavy drug history – I was a candidate for it). I also got the HRD which was right up my alley – it’s like it was designed for me. After it, my feet were firmly planted on the ground, and a ‘confusion’ about everything and anything in my life till that point, got dealt with. A big cloud had lifted off me, and I had a new life. At that time, I was on top of the world.
Life as a TTC member went on, and all was well pretty much. We were amongst friends, learning and working.
One weekend, out of the 'young crowd', we had four separate motorbike accidents. None of us were badly injured – just a few broken bones, gravel rash, bruises, sprains etc. Pat (our CO) flipped, but purely out of concern (just as I would now, over my boys and their mates, if the same happened to them ).
On the Monday morning we hobbled/crutched into the org for post as usual. I was hoping for/expecting sympathy or some compassion or something – but instead we received the evil eye at muster, then were routed straight to HCO. I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Tim (my then date ‘sort of’ ), told me we’d be doing o/ws. I had just done a ton of training on o/w tech, and this didn’t seem to align with what I had just learned about, but he was giving me the look to shut the fuck up.
Then we got a lecture from this Folo person/Exec (who I didn’t know), about how out-ethics we all were, that he knew we were being promiscuous, etc, etc and we were told to go up on the roof and start writing them up. I objected, saying that; I didn’t understand; that I was a pillion so I didn’t cause or fail to prevent the accident; and I was querying what actual tech he was operating off! As I was saying this, I started to feel this pinch in my back, and it was gradually increasing. I looked at Tim, I got his look, a slightly harder pinch, and I shut up – then he stopped pinching me.
I thought the whole thing was fu’ked for sure, but I erroneously put the fiasco down to the gorky lookin’ cockhead of an SO guy, who somehow wielded all this ‘power’ over everyone.
We went up to the roof. The boys were all making jokes and laughing when we got up there, but I’d never written up o/ws before, and I wasn’t feeling too good about doing it, over something like this. (besides that, I was in agony and would rather have been lying down at home). I thought it was a wrong action, and I was being a ridgy little bitch about it all. Soon I saw the ‘funny’ side of it, and started writing them up. Tim looked at what I had written at one point, and said “Nuh, you’ll have to be more specific than that!” Well – bloody lovely! I got the idea eventually, but then I got stuck - I ran out of things to write. Then it was explained to me, that I’d have to think of things that “they” would consider overts. I ridged again, ‘cause I’d just studied all about o/ws and knew that it was a whacko concept to say the least, but the boys just laughed at me, and told me that I’d get used to it. I wrote up a few more o/w’s, but I was informed that what I had done, wouldn’t be enough, and that I should keep writing.
Then one of the guys asked me if I had mentioned a ‘rendezvous’ that we had had a few weeks prior. He said that he had, so I might as well too. I cringed – this was in front of Tim who I had been with that weekend – was nothing sacred? I asked him why he had written it down as an overt. I asked him if he thought what we did was wrong. He said that he didn’t, but because it’s what they wanted, if he didn’t write it down, then he wouldn’t get through his end rud check. He also said that I'd probably cop it, if I didn't put it in mine. Everyone laughed and joked about the fact that I would “learn”. The boys were joking and laughing about explicit sexual details they were putting down in their write ups, and were scoffing and mocking and laughing at what the anal SO dude’s response would be, when he read them.
It turned out to be a hoot of a day in some respects, but afterwards I was confused, because the whole exercise didn’t make sense, and the boys just seemed to take it in their stride (they’d copped it lots before). Here we were, all bruised and battered and/or plastered up, up on the roof writing up our o/w’s. That was my first real introduction to the insanity within orgs, and the ‘group think’ that allowed it, and I’ll never forget it, but it didn't dampen my spirits for very long.
After that all was good again it seemed, except that for some reason, the CO ANZO didn’t want me going out with, or having anything to do with Tim. He was Dissem Sec and a reg (held from above). He was a ‘golden boy’. Even though I was flying through my courses and internships, she had decided I wasn’t good enough for him, or a bad influence on him or something. He was discouraged from seeing me. When his Div 2 stats were down, he was often asked if he had been sleeping with me. Tim was ‘on again’, ‘off again’, every five minutes with me it seemed. We’d be doing well, then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he’d call it off. WTF? I never got it, and could never understand it. He was only around 26/27 at the time, and I thought it was because he was a young guy who wasn’t ready to ‘settle’ (he’d go with other girls when we were ‘off’). It was breaking my heart, and I didn’t find out till later that he was under constant pressure by FOLO Execs to ditch me. To this day I wouldn’t have a bloody clue what the problem was, except for the fact that the head honcho in ANZO didn’t like me.
Time went on. I had gotten through all my courses and internships in record time, and then I was slotted for staff C/S. I was so upset! I didn’t like the idea. I wanted to be flitting around the place, and around the traps with the ‘public’. I didn’t want to be stuck away in an ‘ivory tower’, and I didn’t want to extend my training. However, I got sold on the idea, and my training was extended so I could be the staff C/S (and from then on till now, I’m so glad that it was).
I went on post as staff staff C/S (meaning a contracted staff member C/Sing for staff), and I loved it. The SSO (staff section officer) and I had four staff staff auditors and internes auditing staff full time for us. We had a board up of all our 120 or so Syd Day staff, and we were getting them audited for their own enhancement purposes, as opposed to org correction cycles or sec checks required by some senior. It was going well. We had the odd typical bitch fight, but in the scheme of things, there wasn’t too much crap going on, and/or that I was privy to.
This changed (or started to) around the end of 81/beginning of 82, when things started to go south and sour (I’ll fill you in on this, in my next post). Prior to this time though, as I’ve touched on above, I had a great time on staff. Other staff were also having a great time and making gains through auditing and training, as well as contributing to others who were having and making the same. Prior to scn I was somewhat of a ‘darling of circumstances’. I was aimless and more than incapable on many fronts. The Syd Day staff, my auditing and training, and my job - certainly helped me deal with that, and I had a new life. I know it to be true, and I will NEVER negate it, or sit back and shut up when others try to do so. Those who weren’t there (at that place at that time) have no right to make judgement on my experience and/or try to say that it wasn't a good one.
I was introduced to scn by one of my brothers at the end of '79, when I was on my way from Western Australia to NZ, for another brother's wedding.
I stopped off in Sydney and went into the org - the new premises in Castelreagh St, that all the staff were busy moving into. I thought all the people I met were great and I loved and trusted my brother. He told me that this is what we had been looking for. After looking for myself, I believed it was, or could be.
I found out about auditing and I really wanted to be an auditor, but I was concerned about my literacy level interferring with that (at that time I had the literacy level of an eight year old). My brother assured me that scn could handle that (even though later he admitted to thinking that I was so dumb in the area that there was probably nothing that could handle that one).
I'd had a shocker of a year in '79 (with the exception of the last few months). The idea of a new environment, new friends and a new start was very appealing. I decided that after the wedding in NZ, I'd hitch back to Perth, pack up my scant belongings, say goodbye to my mates and head back to Sydney to join staff.
Somehow I was slotted for the TTC (technical training core) without a production record, but I had to get through staff status I and II first. Initially that was a bit of a nightmare to say the least. Here's me - miss literate of the universe (not!), confronted with KSW 1 straight up!
It didn't take me days, it took me weeks to get through it, and then pass a starrate check out on it. However, in that time I learned a shitlload. We had a great STO (staff training officer) who helped me get through it. I cleared words and words and words (getting into all sorts of word chains) - they were all 'not-understoods' as opposed to 'mis-understoods'. When I got through it, I could read (well - at least much better than I could!).
I disagreed with much in KSW1, but I was told that I didn't have to agree with it all, I just had to understand it and apply it while working in the CofS. I could 'have' that, and took some key things on board; points 1 -10; the concept on 'group think' (I had reality on that in other groups to which I had belonged); adherence to procedure while applying the tech.
I struggled through the rest of SS I, but by the time I got to the end of SS II, I was 'flying', in comparison. Odete (the STO), was a fantastic help, got me through it all and to that level where I could read fairly well after being all but an illiterate - it wasn't her hat to do that, but she cared and gave me all the help I needed.
Then I was in the academy as a TTC member - and all was so good (or seemed to be). There were about 10 -12 of us in the TTC over that next 12 month period. We were all young, just like the majority of the staff, and we pretty well had a ball being on staff at this time.
We had a couple of mentors/older people running the org, who were SO crew. I think back now to what they had to deal with with all of us, and I shake my head. We were mostly in our 20's (I was 21). The boys were still very much lads - lots of fooling around, silly bugger pranks, and much fun, laughter and 'play'.
Harry, Pat and Ethel who were pretty well running the org, allowed us to be who we were, and didn't try to stifle our spirit of play. They had kids our age, so granted us lots of space and freedom to be ourselves. I do believe they loved and cared for us, and others who were on Syd Day staff at the time feel the same way.
Most of us all did our 12 1/2 hours study (over and above post time), and we all had moonlight jobs, but we still found time to party on weekends. We'd do the usual stuff like; frequent jazz bars, go to the cross (Kings Cross), go to the Coogee Bay Hotel dancing (then skinny dip in the ocean afterward to cool off), manage the odd concert, and go to the odd rugby game etc. There were about 40 of us that would kind of hang together, in and outside of the org, and we had a ball (even though we had to miss out on the odd night's sleep to manage it all).
I was on fulltime training and all was going well – The student Hat certainly dealt with the remaining problems I had concerning my ability to read. The purif was just a blow out for me – it gave me an entirely new head space (having a very heavy drug history – I was a candidate for it). I also got the HRD which was right up my alley – it’s like it was designed for me. After it, my feet were firmly planted on the ground, and a ‘confusion’ about everything and anything in my life till that point, got dealt with. A big cloud had lifted off me, and I had a new life. At that time, I was on top of the world.
Life as a TTC member went on, and all was well pretty much. We were amongst friends, learning and working.
One weekend, out of the 'young crowd', we had four separate motorbike accidents. None of us were badly injured – just a few broken bones, gravel rash, bruises, sprains etc. Pat (our CO) flipped, but purely out of concern (just as I would now, over my boys and their mates, if the same happened to them ).
On the Monday morning we hobbled/crutched into the org for post as usual. I was hoping for/expecting sympathy or some compassion or something – but instead we received the evil eye at muster, then were routed straight to HCO. I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Tim (my then date ‘sort of’ ), told me we’d be doing o/ws. I had just done a ton of training on o/w tech, and this didn’t seem to align with what I had just learned about, but he was giving me the look to shut the fuck up.
Then we got a lecture from this Folo person/Exec (who I didn’t know), about how out-ethics we all were, that he knew we were being promiscuous, etc, etc and we were told to go up on the roof and start writing them up. I objected, saying that; I didn’t understand; that I was a pillion so I didn’t cause or fail to prevent the accident; and I was querying what actual tech he was operating off! As I was saying this, I started to feel this pinch in my back, and it was gradually increasing. I looked at Tim, I got his look, a slightly harder pinch, and I shut up – then he stopped pinching me.
I thought the whole thing was fu’ked for sure, but I erroneously put the fiasco down to the gorky lookin’ cockhead of an SO guy, who somehow wielded all this ‘power’ over everyone.
We went up to the roof. The boys were all making jokes and laughing when we got up there, but I’d never written up o/ws before, and I wasn’t feeling too good about doing it, over something like this. (besides that, I was in agony and would rather have been lying down at home). I thought it was a wrong action, and I was being a ridgy little bitch about it all. Soon I saw the ‘funny’ side of it, and started writing them up. Tim looked at what I had written at one point, and said “Nuh, you’ll have to be more specific than that!” Well – bloody lovely! I got the idea eventually, but then I got stuck - I ran out of things to write. Then it was explained to me, that I’d have to think of things that “they” would consider overts. I ridged again, ‘cause I’d just studied all about o/ws and knew that it was a whacko concept to say the least, but the boys just laughed at me, and told me that I’d get used to it. I wrote up a few more o/w’s, but I was informed that what I had done, wouldn’t be enough, and that I should keep writing.
Then one of the guys asked me if I had mentioned a ‘rendezvous’ that we had had a few weeks prior. He said that he had, so I might as well too. I cringed – this was in front of Tim who I had been with that weekend – was nothing sacred? I asked him why he had written it down as an overt. I asked him if he thought what we did was wrong. He said that he didn’t, but because it’s what they wanted, if he didn’t write it down, then he wouldn’t get through his end rud check. He also said that I'd probably cop it, if I didn't put it in mine. Everyone laughed and joked about the fact that I would “learn”. The boys were joking and laughing about explicit sexual details they were putting down in their write ups, and were scoffing and mocking and laughing at what the anal SO dude’s response would be, when he read them.
It turned out to be a hoot of a day in some respects, but afterwards I was confused, because the whole exercise didn’t make sense, and the boys just seemed to take it in their stride (they’d copped it lots before). Here we were, all bruised and battered and/or plastered up, up on the roof writing up our o/w’s. That was my first real introduction to the insanity within orgs, and the ‘group think’ that allowed it, and I’ll never forget it, but it didn't dampen my spirits for very long.
After that all was good again it seemed, except that for some reason, the CO ANZO didn’t want me going out with, or having anything to do with Tim. He was Dissem Sec and a reg (held from above). He was a ‘golden boy’. Even though I was flying through my courses and internships, she had decided I wasn’t good enough for him, or a bad influence on him or something. He was discouraged from seeing me. When his Div 2 stats were down, he was often asked if he had been sleeping with me. Tim was ‘on again’, ‘off again’, every five minutes with me it seemed. We’d be doing well, then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he’d call it off. WTF? I never got it, and could never understand it. He was only around 26/27 at the time, and I thought it was because he was a young guy who wasn’t ready to ‘settle’ (he’d go with other girls when we were ‘off’). It was breaking my heart, and I didn’t find out till later that he was under constant pressure by FOLO Execs to ditch me. To this day I wouldn’t have a bloody clue what the problem was, except for the fact that the head honcho in ANZO didn’t like me.
Time went on. I had gotten through all my courses and internships in record time, and then I was slotted for staff C/S. I was so upset! I didn’t like the idea. I wanted to be flitting around the place, and around the traps with the ‘public’. I didn’t want to be stuck away in an ‘ivory tower’, and I didn’t want to extend my training. However, I got sold on the idea, and my training was extended so I could be the staff C/S (and from then on till now, I’m so glad that it was).
I went on post as staff staff C/S (meaning a contracted staff member C/Sing for staff), and I loved it. The SSO (staff section officer) and I had four staff staff auditors and internes auditing staff full time for us. We had a board up of all our 120 or so Syd Day staff, and we were getting them audited for their own enhancement purposes, as opposed to org correction cycles or sec checks required by some senior. It was going well. We had the odd typical bitch fight, but in the scheme of things, there wasn’t too much crap going on, and/or that I was privy to.
This changed (or started to) around the end of 81/beginning of 82, when things started to go south and sour (I’ll fill you in on this, in my next post). Prior to this time though, as I’ve touched on above, I had a great time on staff. Other staff were also having a great time and making gains through auditing and training, as well as contributing to others who were having and making the same. Prior to scn I was somewhat of a ‘darling of circumstances’. I was aimless and more than incapable on many fronts. The Syd Day staff, my auditing and training, and my job - certainly helped me deal with that, and I had a new life. I know it to be true, and I will NEVER negate it, or sit back and shut up when others try to do so. Those who weren’t there (at that place at that time) have no right to make judgement on my experience and/or try to say that it wasn't a good one.
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HappyGirl
Gold Meritorious Patron
There you go deleting your posts again. But I know why it happened. One of your angels knew I had completely missed your story!! Jeez, where was I?? This explains some late night chats we've had!
Well I was in the beginning, but now everything turned out ok, and I'm so glad! 
Royal Prince Xenu
Trust the Psi Corps.
Ceedia, I'm glad you at least got a good boost on your literacy skills.
Panda Termint
Cabal Of One
Thanks for the update on your story, Ceedia.
You're right, it was actually fun to be a scn'ist back then.
Love, Panda.
You're right, it was actually fun to be a scn'ist back then.
Love, Panda.
EP - Ethics Particle
Gold Meritorious Patron
Making gains and headway!
Good posting, Ceedia!
For the record, I had gains from my scio auditing, training and study too. Particularly, pre-GAT when I would "do something" in scn and go back to my regular life, career and activities - which was kinda difficult, but not impossible in those days. 
I can see how the situation in ANZO would be more conducive to making progress and building competencies, as the society is more closely-knit and involved on a daily basis. The good times you (then) kids had should not be negated or diminished in any way. You were all very lucky to have caring adults in charge during that time.
Do you have a count of how many of the original crew you started out with are still "in" and how many are "out"?:confused2:
Continue when you have the time and keep us posted re Jax's condition.
Lots of love,
Mike/Roy/EP
Good posting, Ceedia!
For the record, I had gains from my scio auditing, training and study too.
Particularly, pre-GAT when I would "do something" in scn and go back to my regular life, career and activities - which was kinda difficult, but not impossible in those days. I can see how the situation in ANZO would be more conducive to making progress and building competencies, as the society is more closely-knit and involved on a daily basis. The good times you (then) kids had should not be negated or diminished in any way. You were all very lucky to have caring adults in charge during that time.
Do you have a count of how many of the original crew you started out with are still "in" and how many are "out"?:confused2:
Continue when you have the time and keep us posted re Jax's condition.
Lots of love,
Mike/Roy/EP
Terril park
Sponsor
Carmel
Crusader
He's the father of my children, my conservative academic husband and friend, who thankfully brings me back to reality when I get too carried away/over the top or too close to the edge!You're definitely one of my favourite " ridgy little bitches".
What happened to Tim?
See next post - we did end up getting married, despite all the counter intention (and we're both looking forward to being grandparents together some day).
Good twin
Floater
He's the father of my children, my conservative academic husband and friend, who thankfully brings me back to reality when I get too carried away/over the top or too close to the edge!
See next post - we did end up getting married, despite all the counter intention (and we're both looking forward to being grandparents together some day).
WOW!!!! This is amazing.........please continue with the story. I can't wait to see how you got here from there.
Terril park
Sponsor
He's the father of my children, my conservative academic husband and friend, who thankfully brings me back to reality when I get too carried away/over the top or too close to the edge!
See next post - we did end up getting married, despite all the counter intention (and we're both looking forward to being grandparents together some day).
Somehow I expected that answer. I'm either really OT or a died in the wool romantic.
Carmel
Crusader
When things started to change...
Things started to go sour around the end of ‘81, and weren’t the same, through to around the end of ’82. Life in the org went on, and much I don’t recall, but some incidents that occurred during this time, are still quite clear to me (the sequences in which they occurred aren’t so clear, so please excuse me if I get it a bit wrong in that regard).
The following is from my perspective – a staff staff C/S not in the loop so to speak. Towards the end of 82, I went on as Qual Sec and was more in the loop, but still, us non-SO were ‘shielded’ somewhat, from much of what was going on.
1) When I was first posted as staff staff C/S (early '81), I went into the office with Jan Hill, who was the Snr C/S ANZO. She knew LRH and Quinten and others (cause she had been on the ship for a time), but she never talked about her experience, and would hardly answer any of my questions about it (it's only lately that I understand why).
She taught me heaps. We got on well and became friends. I'd complain to her about this or that, but she wouldn't just solve it for me, or tell me the answer - she'd ask me questions to get me looking in the right direction and to make me think. Sometimes she'd talk to me about the value of PR, cause she saw me constantly fu'king up in that department. In regards to C/Sing, sometimes I'd be stumped, and she'd always refer me to some basic C/S Series, or basic tech (when I maybe couldn’t see the wood for the trees, and was trying to think up something wild and wonderful to fix a case
).
Jan was a hard working, dedicated, smart woman, who had given her life to scn. She wasn’t aggressive, she knew how to play the game and get things done.
At some point, Jan Hill's husband went over to Ireland to see a sick/dying parent (he was a non-SO staff member). It turned out to be a 'trap' by his family (to get him out of scn it seemed). They took his passport and he was stuck there against his will. Jan wanted to go over and deal with the situation and get him back. The CO ANZO wouldn't give her permission to go.
One day she said to me that she was going out to get some lunch, 'cause she'd only eaten an apple. I had my head in a folder, and hardly acknowledged her, so she repeated herself. I wondered what the big deal was about getting lunch, but then later when she didn't return, the penny dropped. She had blown, and by the time I had figured it out, she was on a plane to Ireland. Fuck!
She should have been given permission to go, and even been given company in her endeavour, but the CO ANZO wasn't into the 2D at all, and just refused her permission, so she had to 'blow'. So Jan was gone for good from that point - and that was a loss for all.
2) At muster, our CO had to read out this long write up, of what happened at the Mission Holders Conference (she along with a few others, was an SO Garrison on our org). It was more than obvious that she didn't like it, and objected to having to read it to us. This went on, muster after muster until it was done. We all wondered what the hell it was all about, but back then we didn't know. All I can remember about it from back then, was that it was long, it took days and days, and there was something about some 'dinging' (which R/S spoke of), which made the mission holders sound like 'squirrels'. The CO had to divert off of the write up/report at one point, to specifically point out the ‘dinging’ procedure, so that we could all ‘get’ how fu’ked it was, and make it clear to us that mgt had done the right thing in discovering this, and putting ethics in on the missions.
The CO and the other Execs started to get very serious at this time, and started to look hunted. They were still pretty well protecting us from the crap though, but we could see that they weren’t happy.
3) Around this same time, all staff were ordered to have Joburg confessionals. All auditing was suspended until the Joburgs were done. Our Execs didn’t like the order, but I was told in no uncertain terms that there was no way around it. If ya had a look at the Joburg questions, you’d see that this was whacky. So inapplicable to say the least and our query was, WHY? Joburg’s were long, they took forever, and it served no purpose giving all the staff joburgs, but to satisfy the order. We had to comply, and we did.
4) 'New' HCOB's and tech films started to arrive. Some of them were questionable. I queried stuff to David Mayo (Snr C/S Int at the time). One of the things I queried was an HCOB on "Unreading Questions and Items". It had been revised, and the revision was a worry to say the least, because it said that we weren't to check grade processes for reads, before running - like we were now supposed to run every process on every pc, regardless of charge. It didn't make sense.
About a week after I sent my query, I was called into the Dir Reviews office. He supposedly had a telex from David Mayo, ordering a Court of Ethics on me, for my query. He was giving me the chance to recant, before he put that Court of Ethics into motion. I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn't listen. He said that I was 'know best', and he got angry at me. I got angry back (it was either that or cry). He ended up slapping me across the face, and I fell off my chair. Then I was bawling. I didn't know what to do or think. Prior to this time, I had thought the sun shone out of this guys arse. I thought he was wise, and in a way, I wanted to be like him. The thought of him not understanding me, not liking me and being so hard on me, caved me in.
Then he hugged me, and told me to settle down, that he only slapped me to wake me up. I was confused and devastated at the time. He told me to go for a walk, and I did. I kept thinking of the bulletin, and my right and obligation to ‘orders query’ vs my respect and admiration Nick. I didn’t know what was going on, but I talked myself into the fact that Nick was not my friend, and not one who I should trust. I was wobbly on it, but I stuck to it. I couldn't agree to running grades that way. I grew up a bit that day.
The Court of Ethics on me ended up going ahead, but then it got dropped for some reason (or nothing much came of it). At some point afterwards, the HCOB was cancelled.
5) A couple of our friends went to Flag for OEC FEBC training. When they got back they told us stories about Bill Franks and Kerry Gleeson. They were mocking their behaviour - but it was so bizarre, that we didn't believe them. I was used to getting sucked in by the boys about stuff I thought was serious, when it wasn’t. I thought that this was just another one of those times. It became apparent that it wasn’t - this stuff did happen (face rips etc). It was all true it seemed. How could it be that senior mgt execs behaved this way? It was scary stuff, and didn't make sense at the time.
6) We had all been ordered to do the Ministers Course, so we all did it. But then they were trying to get all of us techies to get ordained. That was a shocker and I wasn't going to do that in a fit. I argued that I didn't consider that we were actually a church; that we weren't actually a religion; and that I didn't agree with the Christian symbology. But I only got away with it, when I said that as a Catholic I would consider it sacrilege (very pukey and BS, but it worked - they got off my back after a few hours of FDSing on the subject).
7) We started losing staff to "up-lines". We lost heaps! The Exec Div, Qual Div, and Tech Div got stripped of so many long term stable experienced staff/crew members. It was a shocker. We were losing them, left right and centre. We didn't know what was going on, and couldn’t understand it, given the quicksilver policy letter.
8) An order came down that any and all of us who were living with our partners had to get married, or split. So, the girls were mostly happy, but the boys were a bit freaked - we went to a wedding a week just about, for months it seemed. Tim and I were the last to get married, cause I wanted a 'proper' wedding, and I needed to give my kiwi family and kiwi friends some kind of advanced notice. Harry covered for me on that one, and shielded me from the crap I was getting for not being married in short order.
9) I had some other query regarding all the clears we were supposed to be 'un-declaring'. This time I got an ethics trip - assigned lowers, did decks for a bit, then half way through getting all the signatures for my liability formula (which contained stuff not related to the thing I got into trouble for in the first place), I was told to go to HCO. There was an issue on me being labelled as a 'Tiger' (not a good label). Some months prior to this, I had been awarded kha khan status from up-lines. I queried as to how come I was now getting this label (I naively thought that I'd have the nine lives). The HAS told me that I was now in a position where I was on a constant warning; that if I stepped out of line at all, I'd be in serious trouble; and that there are certain posts that I would never be allowed to hold.
I hadn't actually done anything wrong at this point. I had only "orders queried" some orders and HCOB's, and while waiting for reply, per the PL, I hadn't implemented the order. So I was pretty confused and upset about it all, and at the time, I didn't understand it. I was learning that things were far from kosher within the CofS, and in my naivity I thought that I and others had an obligation and opportunity to try and fix it.
10) At some point Harry (our lead auditor) trained as C/S, and he eventually took Jan's place. At that point, I moved into the office with him. He was a mentor for me (and many), and he guarded me from much crap from then on, until he left to go up lines for training on some special project - the new AOSHANZO. We didn’t know that we were getting an AO. Losing Harry was a big blow to many of us, and to the org.
11) I have already posted what happened re my miscarraige new years eve '82, but it is relevant to the time, so I'm also including it here also:
12) Ethel (our Tech Sec), and Nick (our Dir Review), ended up blowing. They were SO members, and generally well respected in the org. We had heard that Mayo, Franks and Gleeson were 'squirrels' and were declared. There was much talk as to who were the 'good guys' - like should we stay, or should we go? Was all this crappy shit we were going through because of the 'mother church' or was it because of the 'nasties' like Gleeson and co who had 'infiltrated' the church, but were thankfully now kicked out? We talked about the ‘dinging’ that current management had discovered and dealt with, about the Mayo HCOB’s which were suspect, the SRA’s our FEBC grads witnessed or copped from the likes of Gleeson and Franks etc, etc. Our ‘think’ was that these guys were now kicked out and ‘obviously’ the source of all these problems. This gave us ‘faith’ in current management.
There were a number of Execs who 'blew' at this time (Day and Fdn). Most of us decided to stay. From what we could glean, we thought that the church was now in safe hands, and we thought that now things would start to straighten out (little did we know).
End of '82/early '83 we were left alone for a few months. The quicksilvers had appeared to stop. People were established on their new posts (most of us had moved up the org board). We still had about 80-90 staff on Day, and about 35-40 on Fdn. We were trucking along quite well considering, and it seemed that some normality was coming back. But that didn't last long, cause in March '83, the Matt Henderson Mission arrived (next post).
Things started to go sour around the end of ‘81, and weren’t the same, through to around the end of ’82. Life in the org went on, and much I don’t recall, but some incidents that occurred during this time, are still quite clear to me (the sequences in which they occurred aren’t so clear, so please excuse me if I get it a bit wrong in that regard).
The following is from my perspective – a staff staff C/S not in the loop so to speak. Towards the end of 82, I went on as Qual Sec and was more in the loop, but still, us non-SO were ‘shielded’ somewhat, from much of what was going on.
1) When I was first posted as staff staff C/S (early '81), I went into the office with Jan Hill, who was the Snr C/S ANZO. She knew LRH and Quinten and others (cause she had been on the ship for a time), but she never talked about her experience, and would hardly answer any of my questions about it (it's only lately that I understand why).
She taught me heaps. We got on well and became friends. I'd complain to her about this or that, but she wouldn't just solve it for me, or tell me the answer - she'd ask me questions to get me looking in the right direction and to make me think. Sometimes she'd talk to me about the value of PR, cause she saw me constantly fu'king up in that department. In regards to C/Sing, sometimes I'd be stumped, and she'd always refer me to some basic C/S Series, or basic tech (when I maybe couldn’t see the wood for the trees, and was trying to think up something wild and wonderful to fix a case
). Jan was a hard working, dedicated, smart woman, who had given her life to scn. She wasn’t aggressive, she knew how to play the game and get things done.
At some point, Jan Hill's husband went over to Ireland to see a sick/dying parent (he was a non-SO staff member). It turned out to be a 'trap' by his family (to get him out of scn it seemed). They took his passport and he was stuck there against his will. Jan wanted to go over and deal with the situation and get him back. The CO ANZO wouldn't give her permission to go.
One day she said to me that she was going out to get some lunch, 'cause she'd only eaten an apple. I had my head in a folder, and hardly acknowledged her, so she repeated herself. I wondered what the big deal was about getting lunch, but then later when she didn't return, the penny dropped. She had blown, and by the time I had figured it out, she was on a plane to Ireland. Fuck!
She should have been given permission to go, and even been given company in her endeavour, but the CO ANZO wasn't into the 2D at all, and just refused her permission, so she had to 'blow'. So Jan was gone for good from that point - and that was a loss for all.
2) At muster, our CO had to read out this long write up, of what happened at the Mission Holders Conference (she along with a few others, was an SO Garrison on our org). It was more than obvious that she didn't like it, and objected to having to read it to us. This went on, muster after muster until it was done. We all wondered what the hell it was all about, but back then we didn't know. All I can remember about it from back then, was that it was long, it took days and days, and there was something about some 'dinging' (which R/S spoke of), which made the mission holders sound like 'squirrels'. The CO had to divert off of the write up/report at one point, to specifically point out the ‘dinging’ procedure, so that we could all ‘get’ how fu’ked it was, and make it clear to us that mgt had done the right thing in discovering this, and putting ethics in on the missions.
The CO and the other Execs started to get very serious at this time, and started to look hunted. They were still pretty well protecting us from the crap though, but we could see that they weren’t happy.
3) Around this same time, all staff were ordered to have Joburg confessionals. All auditing was suspended until the Joburgs were done. Our Execs didn’t like the order, but I was told in no uncertain terms that there was no way around it. If ya had a look at the Joburg questions, you’d see that this was whacky. So inapplicable to say the least and our query was, WHY? Joburg’s were long, they took forever, and it served no purpose giving all the staff joburgs, but to satisfy the order. We had to comply, and we did.
4) 'New' HCOB's and tech films started to arrive. Some of them were questionable. I queried stuff to David Mayo (Snr C/S Int at the time). One of the things I queried was an HCOB on "Unreading Questions and Items". It had been revised, and the revision was a worry to say the least, because it said that we weren't to check grade processes for reads, before running - like we were now supposed to run every process on every pc, regardless of charge. It didn't make sense.
About a week after I sent my query, I was called into the Dir Reviews office. He supposedly had a telex from David Mayo, ordering a Court of Ethics on me, for my query. He was giving me the chance to recant, before he put that Court of Ethics into motion. I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn't listen. He said that I was 'know best', and he got angry at me. I got angry back (it was either that or cry). He ended up slapping me across the face, and I fell off my chair. Then I was bawling. I didn't know what to do or think. Prior to this time, I had thought the sun shone out of this guys arse. I thought he was wise, and in a way, I wanted to be like him. The thought of him not understanding me, not liking me and being so hard on me, caved me in.
Then he hugged me, and told me to settle down, that he only slapped me to wake me up. I was confused and devastated at the time. He told me to go for a walk, and I did. I kept thinking of the bulletin, and my right and obligation to ‘orders query’ vs my respect and admiration Nick. I didn’t know what was going on, but I talked myself into the fact that Nick was not my friend, and not one who I should trust. I was wobbly on it, but I stuck to it. I couldn't agree to running grades that way. I grew up a bit that day.
The Court of Ethics on me ended up going ahead, but then it got dropped for some reason (or nothing much came of it). At some point afterwards, the HCOB was cancelled.
5) A couple of our friends went to Flag for OEC FEBC training. When they got back they told us stories about Bill Franks and Kerry Gleeson. They were mocking their behaviour - but it was so bizarre, that we didn't believe them. I was used to getting sucked in by the boys about stuff I thought was serious, when it wasn’t. I thought that this was just another one of those times. It became apparent that it wasn’t - this stuff did happen (face rips etc). It was all true it seemed. How could it be that senior mgt execs behaved this way? It was scary stuff, and didn't make sense at the time.
6) We had all been ordered to do the Ministers Course, so we all did it. But then they were trying to get all of us techies to get ordained. That was a shocker and I wasn't going to do that in a fit. I argued that I didn't consider that we were actually a church; that we weren't actually a religion; and that I didn't agree with the Christian symbology. But I only got away with it, when I said that as a Catholic I would consider it sacrilege (very pukey and BS, but it worked - they got off my back after a few hours of FDSing on the subject).
7) We started losing staff to "up-lines". We lost heaps! The Exec Div, Qual Div, and Tech Div got stripped of so many long term stable experienced staff/crew members. It was a shocker. We were losing them, left right and centre. We didn't know what was going on, and couldn’t understand it, given the quicksilver policy letter.
8) An order came down that any and all of us who were living with our partners had to get married, or split. So, the girls were mostly happy, but the boys were a bit freaked - we went to a wedding a week just about, for months it seemed. Tim and I were the last to get married, cause I wanted a 'proper' wedding, and I needed to give my kiwi family and kiwi friends some kind of advanced notice. Harry covered for me on that one, and shielded me from the crap I was getting for not being married in short order.
9) I had some other query regarding all the clears we were supposed to be 'un-declaring'. This time I got an ethics trip - assigned lowers, did decks for a bit, then half way through getting all the signatures for my liability formula (which contained stuff not related to the thing I got into trouble for in the first place), I was told to go to HCO. There was an issue on me being labelled as a 'Tiger' (not a good label). Some months prior to this, I had been awarded kha khan status from up-lines. I queried as to how come I was now getting this label (I naively thought that I'd have the nine lives). The HAS told me that I was now in a position where I was on a constant warning; that if I stepped out of line at all, I'd be in serious trouble; and that there are certain posts that I would never be allowed to hold.
I hadn't actually done anything wrong at this point. I had only "orders queried" some orders and HCOB's, and while waiting for reply, per the PL, I hadn't implemented the order. So I was pretty confused and upset about it all, and at the time, I didn't understand it. I was learning that things were far from kosher within the CofS, and in my naivity I thought that I and others had an obligation and opportunity to try and fix it.
10) At some point Harry (our lead auditor) trained as C/S, and he eventually took Jan's place. At that point, I moved into the office with him. He was a mentor for me (and many), and he guarded me from much crap from then on, until he left to go up lines for training on some special project - the new AOSHANZO. We didn’t know that we were getting an AO. Losing Harry was a big blow to many of us, and to the org.
11) I have already posted what happened re my miscarraige new years eve '82, but it is relevant to the time, so I'm also including it here also:
It was toward the end of '82. I was a TTC graduate and had been full time staff C/S for about a year, before replacing the Qual Sec - I was at this time, newly on post as Qual Sec and holding the staff C/S post 'from above' (the load of staff C/S had diminshed greatly due to staff 'rip off's' from up lines).
I discovered that I was pregnant in the October. Shykes - it wasn't planned, and it didn't fit into the scheme of things (I had gone off the pill a few years earlier, and being ignorant about the fact that sperm can live for 'days' in some cases - I didn't use the diaphram at times that I should have).
Abortion wasn't an option for me. I knew that me being pregnant would go down like a lead balloon, so besides talking to my hubby about it, I kept my lips sealed for a while!
Then I made it known. It was horrible! I had around six different interviews with senior execs, who tried to convince me to have an abortion. I went to ethics about three times, and to cramming a few times for FDSing as obviously my 'held down seven' was due to me being a good little 'Catholic' girl!
It was shoved in my face that the org had invested all this time and money training me, and that now I was going to throw it all away. It was also shoved in my face, that we had already 'lost' two C/ses, and the other C/S in the org (Genny my bridesmaid who was about 5 months at the time), was already having a baby and me having one, just wasn't an option.
I pointed out to them, that I had audited and/or C/Sed for SO crew and staff who were forced to have abortions, and that under no circumstances was I going to subject myself to the kind of 'charge' that they had, by submitting and having an abortion. These people 'handling' me, then assigned the 'mental charge' associated with the forced abortions, to similar brainwashing from the catholics. The whole fiasco and guilt trip was a mind fuck, and it continued until the point that I was over three months, and an abortion was no longer an option.
A little while after this, I started 'bleeding'. I didn't know what this was about. I asked the older female execs in the org about it, and all three said it was normal and not to worry about it. Then it got heavier - the advice was to use a 'pad' (sorry boys!). I suggested that maybe I should go and see the doctor, but I wasn't given 'permission' to. I was told that everything was OK and 'normal', and that there was no reason to worry. I trusted these people, and was so naive at the time about such things, that I took what they said on board, and plodded on.
I kept 'bleeding'. On new years eve, I started to get 'pains' (which after having three kids since, I can now label as labour pains). I saw the HAS and told her. She saw the CO and the Tech Sec about it. They told me not to be case on post, to see the day out, and then go home and rest over the weekend.
Being ignorant to what was going on
I went back onto post on the Monday, and nothing more was mentioned about my pregnancy that conveniently went away!
I have no upset on it now - I had three sons soon afterward in '86, '87 and '89. We have wonderful sons and a great family, and I wouldn't swap exactly what we have for quids! However, at the time I was gutted, and at the time I sensed and/or could see the jubilation by too many about my loss, and that made things worse.
12) Ethel (our Tech Sec), and Nick (our Dir Review), ended up blowing. They were SO members, and generally well respected in the org. We had heard that Mayo, Franks and Gleeson were 'squirrels' and were declared. There was much talk as to who were the 'good guys' - like should we stay, or should we go? Was all this crappy shit we were going through because of the 'mother church' or was it because of the 'nasties' like Gleeson and co who had 'infiltrated' the church, but were thankfully now kicked out? We talked about the ‘dinging’ that current management had discovered and dealt with, about the Mayo HCOB’s which were suspect, the SRA’s our FEBC grads witnessed or copped from the likes of Gleeson and Franks etc, etc. Our ‘think’ was that these guys were now kicked out and ‘obviously’ the source of all these problems. This gave us ‘faith’ in current management.
There were a number of Execs who 'blew' at this time (Day and Fdn). Most of us decided to stay. From what we could glean, we thought that the church was now in safe hands, and we thought that now things would start to straighten out (little did we know).
End of '82/early '83 we were left alone for a few months. The quicksilvers had appeared to stop. People were established on their new posts (most of us had moved up the org board). We still had about 80-90 staff on Day, and about 35-40 on Fdn. We were trucking along quite well considering, and it seemed that some normality was coming back. But that didn't last long, cause in March '83, the Matt Henderson Mission arrived (next post).
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