I was never a scientologist, but maybe I was and I didn't know it. Hope this makes sense and its ok to write about it here. My mom was a scientologist and so where her mom and dad, my grandparents, so I grew up with it sort of in the air around me. My dad wasn't a scientologist, he says he's almost a buddhist, but he likes some of the ideas of scientology, but didn't like the church part of it. He says they try to control people too much to really do what they say they are trying to do.
My mom had been a scientologist since she was a teenager, and it was so much a part of who she was that even if I had never heard of it, she would have passed on the ideas and stuff just from being around her. But my grandma was the one who tried to get me interested in it, not my mom. Grandma would always seem to turn the conversation around to something "Ron" said. We could be talking about feeding the ducks in the park and somehow there would be some thing he said that was related! I loved her a lot, but my mom always said that it was more important what I thought was true, than what other people thought, so I would tell grandma "thank you for that", and if she went on too much I would hug her and ask for cookies.
I guess I was a manipulative child! She meant well, and yes it made sense, but why did everything have to be what he said or thought? Mom never directly pushed stuff on us, but now that I am older, I see that a lot of the stuff kinda rubbed off.
I have never even been inside a scientology church. I used to ask about it when I was like 8 or 10. Mom let me go to church with my friends sometimes, I've been to mass and to synogoge and even once a mormon church! But never her church. She said its not a church like that where you go in groups, but more like you study in private and get counseling in private. I was curious to go but she said no, I had to wait until I was at least 18 and then I could if I wanted. But she warned me that they would put a lot of pressure on me to do things I didn't know I wanted to.
My grandma used to run little churches called missions, but that was when I was real little and I never got to see one. She did train us though. One summer she had us with her, me, my brother and older sister, and she taught us how to do "TR's" which were where you sit across from another person and practice talking in a way that was better. Really it was fun, but I was the little one and sitting still was not easy! But I loved when I got to tease the other person, because I could say anything I wanted! And I said stuff that I normally wouldn't be allowed to! It made me cry sometimes when my brother did it to me, but after a while I got where it was so what and stuff didn't bother me. Its still something that I use sometimes, like if I notice that someone is saying stuff, I can just smile to myself knowing they are just trying to get to me. So see how maybe I am a little bit of a scientologist?
We learned about "ARC" and how the different things moved up and down and how you could raise them and be in control and make things better. We even got some auditing with the emeter from my grandma. She would do it when our ARC was down sometimes or if we were fighting with each other and stuff. We would go into her bedroom where she had a table set up and hold onto the cans and she would ask us questions until we felt better or understood what was going on, or told our secrets. Sometimes she would keep asking us the same question over and over about stuff like who could you communicate with? Who could communicate with you? Who could communicate with another? She made if fun, and she really liked doing it. I always felt real nice after.
Of course as a teenager I used stuff I knew the other way to intentionally cause problems. I didn't like sit down and say to myself "I am going to use scientology for evil" or anything, it was more like subconsciously I used it to make drama and get attention. It was like I was doing the TR for teasing in real life on my mom and dad, but they couldn't take it. I would do things that made no sense, and refuse to talk about it! Making people not like me just to be trouble. Or maybe to make people prove that they loved me even though I was a pain.
Funny how stuff sounds so good when you read about it and practice, but doesn't always work in real life. Sort of like the scientology church. They were all "everyone is welcome here and you can be a god if you want!", but if you didn't think like they wanted you were evil!
My dad liked a lot of the ideas. He would talk for hours with my grandpa who was an operating thetan 3. And it wasn't like they disagreed, and they both loved talking about real out there stuff, but when it came to the church my dad couldn't get him to see how much they tried to control him.
My dad almost became a scientologist, but they made the mistake of telling him he could not say certain things, and he basically told them to FO! This was the big thing that made so much trouble in our family. After that my mom, her ex husband, my grandma and grandpa couldn't be operating thetans anymore. They never got kicked out of the scientology, but scientology took away the big thing they wanted so bad. My older sister was my moms child with her ex husband, and he was way more into the church part of things and they threatened to make him keep my mom and sister apart if she kept being trouble. I don't know how they could do that, I mean she lived with us and only saw him weekends mostly, but somehow people in scientology do stuff like they can't see that they are being manipulated and stuff. I could see it even when I was a kid, but the grownups were like too wrapped up in things that they couldn't see.
My dad is a psychiatrist too and scientology hates them! Even though they practically begged him to join! They bugged him for several years to join and like say see scientology is good, even a psychiatrist can be one. My dad is real mellow, as chill as they come, but he doesn't take shit. I think he loved my mother a lot to put up with what they did and not say more or speak out more. I could tell he was angry sometimes, but he didn't like to spread bad emotions around and didn't get all dramatic about it. He is a good example of being able to take stuff and not get upset like in the TRs and he isn't even a scientologist!
Mom loved him so much too. She told me she was so lucky to find a man who understood her and loved her for who she was, and was willing to let her be herself. She said she never regretted what she did, breaking up with her husband to marry another man who was supposed to be evil or something! My dad is great. So was mom.
So our family was like in some sort of standoff about scientology. My grandma was all excited about it mostly, but if she tried to talk to mom about it, mom would change the subject. But mom was so into it and spiritual stuff that it didn't make sense. That is probably the reason I never decided to be a scientologist, because of that sort of weirdness about it. Why wouldn't my mom talk about it? And let me see their churches?
My grandpa is pretty chill about it even though he is an operating thetan. He is more a think for yourself guy. He is used to being in charge and having people listen to him and wasn't afraid to say what he wanted. He used to say that scientology was a cult, and then he would recite the dictionary definition of cult and explain how that wasn't really a bad thing! He had done legal work for some corporations of scientology and knew a lot of celebrities who were scientologists and ones that weren't, and I think the church was sort of afraid of him so they didn't try to keep him quiet. I think my mom was more like my grandpa than grandma, they thought for themselves. Not that they were always right! But they were true to themselves, something scientology seems to hate.
My grandparents spent way too much of their money on scientology too. They only have my grandpas pension and social security to live on now and they don't even own their house, because of all the money they spent. They are in their 80's and still have to worry about money even though they are too old to work. The people still call them from the church though, sometimes several times a day! They just let the answering machine answer every call. They never pick up the phone until you start talking. Weird. Its like there are these big ideas and stuff that they believe in, but its all mixed up in some money scam or something!
So its like I think a lot of scientology ideas are in me from being around my mom and grandparents. I don't know what they are really because I would have to study scientology more, but from what I do know, I was raised to think and act a certain way. I'm just at the age where I am really looking at who I am and stuff, and I think I will see this more and more.
My sister hates scientology because of her dad, but she loves him and doesn't say too much. It was real hard for her even though my mom never told her about what was going on until she was an adult, but I think she could sort of tell from the way her mom and dad acted about it. Its funny, I am the kid who most took to any of the ideas of scientology, I like spiritual stuff and meditation and the idea that you are not your body, but a spirit in a body. My sister is all about her house and her cars and her pool and parties and her job and clothes and could care less about those sort of things. Funny because her dad so much wanted her to do scientology stuff! And mom wouldn't let me.
My bother thinks its all a big joke and a scam, but he's smart enough not to say that to my grandma! Grandpa just laughs. He lives in LA where there are a lot of scientologists and I think that he knows some. He is trying to be in a band and things like that, but I don't see him joining! I can see him sort of pretending to be one if it suits him. Like if there is a girl who is one! He can do an impression of a scientologist that is real funny where he stares at you real intense and says OK, GOT THAT, and TELL ME ABOUT THAT and stuff and acting all concerned. I just hope he doesn't piss off any scientologist and get his butt beat!
Me? I still want to see a scientology church and I'm 18 now, but I know deep in my heart that I can never be one. Not that scientologists are bad people or that all the ideas are bad, but just because it is wrong to turn your thinking over to other people, no matter how good their intentions. I think people get lost in it little bit by little bit, until they are in too deep.
I think my mom would want me to see a church and talk to them and have them try to get me to join, once I am strong enough to be true to myself. I am way stronger now than I was a year ago, but looking back at the whole scientology thing, I think wanting to know more about scientology is just curiosity. How did this stuff do what it did to my family? How can people be so blind in some ways?
My grandparents don't do anything with it anymore, and we never talk about it. My mom died a year ago, September 17. So scientology is mostly out of my life except for maybe wanting to understand what happened or why.
Any way that is sort of my story about scientology and me.
Chloe
My mom had been a scientologist since she was a teenager, and it was so much a part of who she was that even if I had never heard of it, she would have passed on the ideas and stuff just from being around her. But my grandma was the one who tried to get me interested in it, not my mom. Grandma would always seem to turn the conversation around to something "Ron" said. We could be talking about feeding the ducks in the park and somehow there would be some thing he said that was related! I loved her a lot, but my mom always said that it was more important what I thought was true, than what other people thought, so I would tell grandma "thank you for that", and if she went on too much I would hug her and ask for cookies.
I guess I was a manipulative child! She meant well, and yes it made sense, but why did everything have to be what he said or thought? Mom never directly pushed stuff on us, but now that I am older, I see that a lot of the stuff kinda rubbed off.
I have never even been inside a scientology church. I used to ask about it when I was like 8 or 10. Mom let me go to church with my friends sometimes, I've been to mass and to synogoge and even once a mormon church! But never her church. She said its not a church like that where you go in groups, but more like you study in private and get counseling in private. I was curious to go but she said no, I had to wait until I was at least 18 and then I could if I wanted. But she warned me that they would put a lot of pressure on me to do things I didn't know I wanted to.
My grandma used to run little churches called missions, but that was when I was real little and I never got to see one. She did train us though. One summer she had us with her, me, my brother and older sister, and she taught us how to do "TR's" which were where you sit across from another person and practice talking in a way that was better. Really it was fun, but I was the little one and sitting still was not easy! But I loved when I got to tease the other person, because I could say anything I wanted! And I said stuff that I normally wouldn't be allowed to! It made me cry sometimes when my brother did it to me, but after a while I got where it was so what and stuff didn't bother me. Its still something that I use sometimes, like if I notice that someone is saying stuff, I can just smile to myself knowing they are just trying to get to me. So see how maybe I am a little bit of a scientologist?
We learned about "ARC" and how the different things moved up and down and how you could raise them and be in control and make things better. We even got some auditing with the emeter from my grandma. She would do it when our ARC was down sometimes or if we were fighting with each other and stuff. We would go into her bedroom where she had a table set up and hold onto the cans and she would ask us questions until we felt better or understood what was going on, or told our secrets. Sometimes she would keep asking us the same question over and over about stuff like who could you communicate with? Who could communicate with you? Who could communicate with another? She made if fun, and she really liked doing it. I always felt real nice after.
Of course as a teenager I used stuff I knew the other way to intentionally cause problems. I didn't like sit down and say to myself "I am going to use scientology for evil" or anything, it was more like subconsciously I used it to make drama and get attention. It was like I was doing the TR for teasing in real life on my mom and dad, but they couldn't take it. I would do things that made no sense, and refuse to talk about it! Making people not like me just to be trouble. Or maybe to make people prove that they loved me even though I was a pain.
Funny how stuff sounds so good when you read about it and practice, but doesn't always work in real life. Sort of like the scientology church. They were all "everyone is welcome here and you can be a god if you want!", but if you didn't think like they wanted you were evil!
My dad liked a lot of the ideas. He would talk for hours with my grandpa who was an operating thetan 3. And it wasn't like they disagreed, and they both loved talking about real out there stuff, but when it came to the church my dad couldn't get him to see how much they tried to control him.
My dad almost became a scientologist, but they made the mistake of telling him he could not say certain things, and he basically told them to FO! This was the big thing that made so much trouble in our family. After that my mom, her ex husband, my grandma and grandpa couldn't be operating thetans anymore. They never got kicked out of the scientology, but scientology took away the big thing they wanted so bad. My older sister was my moms child with her ex husband, and he was way more into the church part of things and they threatened to make him keep my mom and sister apart if she kept being trouble. I don't know how they could do that, I mean she lived with us and only saw him weekends mostly, but somehow people in scientology do stuff like they can't see that they are being manipulated and stuff. I could see it even when I was a kid, but the grownups were like too wrapped up in things that they couldn't see.
My dad is a psychiatrist too and scientology hates them! Even though they practically begged him to join! They bugged him for several years to join and like say see scientology is good, even a psychiatrist can be one. My dad is real mellow, as chill as they come, but he doesn't take shit. I think he loved my mother a lot to put up with what they did and not say more or speak out more. I could tell he was angry sometimes, but he didn't like to spread bad emotions around and didn't get all dramatic about it. He is a good example of being able to take stuff and not get upset like in the TRs and he isn't even a scientologist!
Mom loved him so much too. She told me she was so lucky to find a man who understood her and loved her for who she was, and was willing to let her be herself. She said she never regretted what she did, breaking up with her husband to marry another man who was supposed to be evil or something! My dad is great. So was mom.
So our family was like in some sort of standoff about scientology. My grandma was all excited about it mostly, but if she tried to talk to mom about it, mom would change the subject. But mom was so into it and spiritual stuff that it didn't make sense. That is probably the reason I never decided to be a scientologist, because of that sort of weirdness about it. Why wouldn't my mom talk about it? And let me see their churches?
My grandpa is pretty chill about it even though he is an operating thetan. He is more a think for yourself guy. He is used to being in charge and having people listen to him and wasn't afraid to say what he wanted. He used to say that scientology was a cult, and then he would recite the dictionary definition of cult and explain how that wasn't really a bad thing! He had done legal work for some corporations of scientology and knew a lot of celebrities who were scientologists and ones that weren't, and I think the church was sort of afraid of him so they didn't try to keep him quiet. I think my mom was more like my grandpa than grandma, they thought for themselves. Not that they were always right! But they were true to themselves, something scientology seems to hate.
My grandparents spent way too much of their money on scientology too. They only have my grandpas pension and social security to live on now and they don't even own their house, because of all the money they spent. They are in their 80's and still have to worry about money even though they are too old to work. The people still call them from the church though, sometimes several times a day! They just let the answering machine answer every call. They never pick up the phone until you start talking. Weird. Its like there are these big ideas and stuff that they believe in, but its all mixed up in some money scam or something!
So its like I think a lot of scientology ideas are in me from being around my mom and grandparents. I don't know what they are really because I would have to study scientology more, but from what I do know, I was raised to think and act a certain way. I'm just at the age where I am really looking at who I am and stuff, and I think I will see this more and more.
My sister hates scientology because of her dad, but she loves him and doesn't say too much. It was real hard for her even though my mom never told her about what was going on until she was an adult, but I think she could sort of tell from the way her mom and dad acted about it. Its funny, I am the kid who most took to any of the ideas of scientology, I like spiritual stuff and meditation and the idea that you are not your body, but a spirit in a body. My sister is all about her house and her cars and her pool and parties and her job and clothes and could care less about those sort of things. Funny because her dad so much wanted her to do scientology stuff! And mom wouldn't let me.
My bother thinks its all a big joke and a scam, but he's smart enough not to say that to my grandma! Grandpa just laughs. He lives in LA where there are a lot of scientologists and I think that he knows some. He is trying to be in a band and things like that, but I don't see him joining! I can see him sort of pretending to be one if it suits him. Like if there is a girl who is one! He can do an impression of a scientologist that is real funny where he stares at you real intense and says OK, GOT THAT, and TELL ME ABOUT THAT and stuff and acting all concerned. I just hope he doesn't piss off any scientologist and get his butt beat!
Me? I still want to see a scientology church and I'm 18 now, but I know deep in my heart that I can never be one. Not that scientologists are bad people or that all the ideas are bad, but just because it is wrong to turn your thinking over to other people, no matter how good their intentions. I think people get lost in it little bit by little bit, until they are in too deep.
I think my mom would want me to see a church and talk to them and have them try to get me to join, once I am strong enough to be true to myself. I am way stronger now than I was a year ago, but looking back at the whole scientology thing, I think wanting to know more about scientology is just curiosity. How did this stuff do what it did to my family? How can people be so blind in some ways?
My grandparents don't do anything with it anymore, and we never talk about it. My mom died a year ago, September 17. So scientology is mostly out of my life except for maybe wanting to understand what happened or why.
Any way that is sort of my story about scientology and me.
Chloe
to ESMB. 
