After I first got out of this toxic cult, I began to read the Spandau Prison diary of Albert Speer. That set the tone for my next few years as it made me see that this guy had been deluded like me into thinking that he was part of a great movement that was going to reform the world into something amazingly good.
Seeing how his point of view changed over the years he spent in prison was a huge eye-opener for me. It took him an age to really understand what he'd been part of and it was fascinating to read - I'm sure it accelerated my own decompression from Co$ enormously.
Because of that, I really only wish the best for anyone who comes out of the cult - hell, I'd love to chat to Deputy Malignant some day after the dust has settled. Not too sure I'd be able to chat to the Fat Fraud Hisself without wanting to inflict serious bodily harm, tho'.
And I'm sure some of the folk who've personally screwed me over big-time I doubt I could chat even socially to - I'm only human too, not trying to say I'm a saint.
I don't condone what Debbie did, but I am sick of folk second-guessing her. I knew her before she became the FSO Captain and apparently went into SO supa-bitch mode - she's a nice person and I'm sad that she turned into a typical SO exec.. I personally refused to "climb the Org Board" myself because, early on in my cult "career," I saw what sort of arseholes my friends turned into when they did that.
It never absolves responsibility for their subsequent evil actions - I don't buy the "Nuremberg defence" at all. But there's a hell of a lot of good folk who've been turned into total turds by this cult.
And the only way I see most of them ever able to face up to that is quietly decompressing and slowly realising the truth about their lives. Turning them into lightning rods for all of "our" upsets with the crap "we" lived IMO does nothing good for any of "us."
Just my own, very personal point of view. I still hate the cult and all others like it, but I can't hold a grudge against those who, like me, went into it thinking they were changing the world for the better.
I really enjoyed your post, thanks!
As I was reading it, I thought about how hard it is to express non-forgiveness and forgiveness while looking at the cult situation.
I understand that on some levels it feels wrong to forgive. Abusers want to be forgiven and then allowed to continue abuse. So letting them be okay, means doing that one thing we learn not to do, be an enabler or supporter of an abuser.
I want to set-up my ramble by saying: the grip is hard. Also, scientologists came into it originally for very diverse reasons and through any number of decisions, but the end game is to have a correctly processed person. That ends the diversity problem that any cult must overcome.
I do not agree with one poster who compared it to forgiving mass murderers.
The cult of scientology has a complex and rigid method for processing people. It can even exploit the worst a person is capable of becoming. To the un-processed mind, or the recovered one, the actions of some in the cult are clearly seen, and it's shocking. Murder, abortions, extreme-duress regging -- on and on. It's horrible, evil stuff. THIS is the unique legacy of scientology -- to make individuals who will carry out the deeds required of the cult. For those like you who never saw themselves becoming a nasty Sea Org person … well, there's a place on staff for the ones that cannot be made vicious.
The cult of scientology is in the business of doing business. And in the retention-of-client business. And they have to fill every position they have. This is the basic mission of scientology.
Those few who achieve the most evil levels, are no longer themselves. They were processed over a long period of time, and did become the bad person that they did not make. Yes … that they did not make. They were mentally manipulated and became the result.
So, they didn't exactly sign up for Hitler Youth, but could I forgive Debbie if she'd fleeced me in the cult? I don't know. Could I forgive myself for giving my credit card to Debbie? I'd have to do that to get peace.
I guess I'll stop there. After all, it is a ramble.